Friday 13: Searching Will Bring You To Me

I have been wanting to do this post for months now. I haven’t found the right time to do it yet. I guess my life is just so interesting what with learning how to mow the lawn, moving…well, that about does it. What have I been blogging about? Apparently there have been some things mentioned on this humble blog that people have found interesting. People are searching for these things, and therefore, I’m assuming they’re interesting. And what’s more, these searchers have found my blog. 

I’ve had visitors from all over the world. Hello to all 50 states. Hello to you in Iran and Jordan (I know what post brought you to me). And hello to all of the countries in Europe. Hello to my visitors from Israel (you rock, I must say). Hello Kuwaitis and Indians. Hello various Canadians and Australians (especially Lezley!). South America is even representin’ (Brazil, Peru, Argentina…). And hello…Malaysia? Didn’t know you had internet there. Are you a missionary? Are you a m+sl*m extremist? Du says there are lots there. You’ve visited several times. Are you the same person? Hello my Russian friends! I say! (as Wooster says so perfectly) I should have a Babelfish button on my site!

Now, a lot of the blogs I read have mentioned that they get a lot of weird searches of the sexual kind. I’m here to report that I have had…one or two. That being said, I have had some weird ones. It seems though that there are several posts that I’ve written that are “hit on” a lot. What I have written has struck a chord with the masses all over the world. ‘Cause all those countries mentioned up there have had at least one person search and find my expertise blatherings on specific topics. After doing extensive statistical data analysis I’ve come up with the top 13 interesting searches that will lead you to me (or have lead the world to me).

FRIDAY 13: INTERESTING GOOGLE SEARCHES THAT LEAD YOU TO ME

1. By and far the search that has garnered the most hits to the blog is about Fake Bake. I didn’t realize I was hitting on something so popular yet so misunderstood when I wrote about turning green for the evening. Apparently so have many other unsuspecting world citizens. People are searching for before and after pics; should fake bake be green; should it be blue (what?!); how long to leave it on; how to get it off hands (gloves, people). I’m happy to provide them a couple of minutes of fodder and laughter. Too bad I didn’t include photos.
2. Another popular search that leads the internet to Not So SAHM is Beth Moore’s Stepping Up Bible Study. I went through the study earlier this year and blogged about it twice. I wish I would have gone deeper in my posts. I’m afraid that the searching masses aren’t finding much depth in those. Some even searched about Beth Moore and cancer. Don’t know about that one. I did that search myself and I believe there’s a cancer doctor who shares that awesome name.
3. Homeschooling: whether it’s legal or not; how to do it. Mostly about the controversy in California. I railed on California, as my nature is to blow up first, speak softly later. I mean no offense to any of my CA readers. Just your government.
4. Being a SAHM (stay at home mom). I don’t know the answer to this because I’m NOT such a SAHM. I don’t fit the stereotypical mold that is conjured up in most minds of this postmodern world. Maybe that’s why people are searching me out. People come to me my blog wondering what SAHMS wear. This is so funny to me. Are you searchers trying to fit the stereotypical mold? We wear clothes. That’s about it. Sometimes a bra is included, sometimes not. Somedays jammies are it. Most days it’s spit-up-stained-last-year’s-fashion. I’m working on that though. Someone even wanted to know how to pronounce it. Do you want the French or Spanish accent? Maybe she thought it would be pronounced “sohm” as in “I’m a sohm, dahling, I don’t feel I should have to work”. I pronounce it like “sam” as in Sam I Am. My mother pronounces it “sham” and then calls me that publicly in my comments section.
5. “Don’t tell mommy” Many people have found this blog by searching that string of words. Oh, that post is one of my absolute favorites. I however do not condone not telling mommy anything. Why are so many people searching for this? What should we not be telling mommy?
6. The rest of these will be searches I just find funny, or just downright weird. Someone found my blog by searching “mother who put kids on train track”. I may be labeled strict, but I’ve never even thought about this one. Didn’t hear the story about it either.
7. “Frog ‘down her shirt’ movie”. Um, haven’t seen it. And we don’t talk about frogs that go down girls’ shirts on this blog. No, on this blog we talk about frogs who…afternoon delight…ahem.
8. “arabian girls butts” Ok I was wrong. The guys from Iran weren’t looking for the post I thought. But you know what happens when you assume. Pun intended. Har har. They were looking for the Jasmine post. You know, where I wasn’t finished railing on the princesses for sexualizing my daughter (which, in reality, hasn’t produced a lot of weird searches. It did garner my blog a lot of traffic for the next couple of days.) At least they spelled everything correctly…because someone found my blog by searching for this:
9. “nakid lades in frunt of littol kids” I kid you not. How gross in the first place. Secondly, is this what publik skul iz duing tu awr kidz?
10. ” ‘megan follows’ smokes” Sorry, don’t know Megan Follows. Didn’t know she smokes. Didn’t blog about it either. Should I tell her mommy? Or is this one of the ones where I “don’t tell mommy”? [editor’s note: I did the google search myself and found out she’s a character in Anne of Avonlea and she indeed smokes. Thanks for leaving those words in the comments Rachel]
11. “foods that go with coke” This person is daft. What food doesn’t go with coke? Work with me searchers.
12. “trained by my mother in law to be a sissy” I laughed when I saw this one. I can just see some poor wife surreptitiously googling in the middle of the night, trying to find help for her pantywaist husband. I’d give almost anything to know what his sissy act was. I’d give even more to hear the stories about how his mother made him a pansy. But why did she find my blog? My husband’s a stud. And he rocks.
13. “cheapskate and a princess can they marry” Can they? Yes. Should they? It’s not for you to say is it? Is this princess term derogatory? I’m smelling some derision here. And for the record: my husband is a cheapskate frugal, and that’s how I like it. And I am a princess. Not the high maintenance kind. I’m a princess of the Almighty God. But have I ever blogged about either of those?

There are so many more, but, alas, I’m restricted to 13. What are some interesting terms that people have googled and found your blog?