The Video Audition

You may recall that one of the six weird, random and unspectacular things about me was that I auditioned to be in a video.  I didn’t finish the story because it was getting too long for that list and I didn’t want blood on my hands. I only got one comment about any of the six things (and thanks, Kelly, for wondering about navels), so I was right, they truly were unspectacular. Since absolutely none of you commented about the audition story I’m going to finish telling it to you anyway. That’s how much of a weird and unspectacular friend I am. Deep down you know you’re wondering how video auditions go.

To recap: I was buying a tape (I don’t even think it was a CD) of Deadeye Dick sometime in 93 or 94. The guy behind me asked why I was buying it. “I like the music” was my response (duh!). “Well, I’m their manager and we’re holding auditions for their video. You should come by.” He told me I had the “all-American” look they were going for. He told me the time and place of the audition and to just show up. I can’t remember if the audition was actually that day or what. This part of the story probably did take place on a Friday or Saturday so the audition was probably sometime that weekend. I love how my brain just doesn’t work.

You all thought he was just hitting on me didn’t you? I showed up at the audition, not alone. It was being talked about on 99X so I knew it was legit, but I wasn’t about to go alone. I just remember waiting in a long line on a hot day with other girls ranging in age from teen all the way up to the geriatric set way too old to be in a song about a “New Age Girl”. And why he thought an all-American look would work well as a “new age” girl I’ll never know. Some girls were dressed how they thought a new age girl would look like in a video. I did not fit in.

Quite a few of the girls were carrying portfolios. Me? I was carrying maybe a purse. No head shots. No pictures of me proving that I was worthy of being in a video. So unprofessional. I was in the big leagues (for a Deadeye Dick video, right) and I was showing up without my bat.

 It was finally my turn. Several other ladies and I were taken to this dimly lit room where we lined up in front of three judges. I’m not kidding. They were sitting behind a table with Coke cups. Ok, I am kidding about that. The girls with portfolios quickly handed them to the judges. We were lined up under the only lights in the room. One by one they called each of our names. When a name was called the girl was to step forward, turn around and step back. Here is where quick thinking and ingenuity would have come in handy. I have neither.

I was probably the third girl to be called. Wasn’t the first, but wasn’t one of the later ones who could play off what a previous girl had done. My name was called. I stepped forward. Turned on cue. Stepped back. One of the next who was called stepped forward, did a cute little turn and some other business that made her stand out from the crowd, and then stepped back. “Dang!” I thought to myself, “why didn’t I do something like that?” Well, Vicki, you’re a rule follower and rarely think outside the box. That’s why.

We were told that we would get a call if we were the chosen girl. The manager, not being very smart (but I think we’ve already established that) had given me his number at the record store. Why? Not quite sure. Maybe he was trying to prove who he was. Maybe he was hitting on me, but I was too naive to catch on. I ended up calling him stalker-like for the next day or two as I sat impatiently on my couch waiting for the phone to actually ring. It never rang.

 And thank God it didn’t because look at what they did: