ME: Hmm, I need to make that appointment/check on this bill/any number of other things that must be done over the phone. Let me just call this 1-800 number.
VOICE PROMPTED AUTOMATED PHONE SYSTEM (VPAPS): Hello, and thank you for calling XYZ. Satisfied customers are of our utmost concern and we want to please you today! Please say your account number and our automated system will bring up your account.
ME: (saying) 6 8 2…
REAGAN: Mom! Can I have a snack?
ME: SHHHH!
VPAPS: I’m sorry, I did not get that. Please repeat your account number.
ME: 6 8 2…
REAGAN: (whispering) Mom! snack?
VPAPS: I’m sorry, I did not get that. Please repeat your account number. (While VPAPS is repeating herself I’m snapping my finger at R, shushing her again and shooing her away. Quickly though because VPAPS is almost finished with her command)
ME: 6 8 2 5…
ASHLYN: AAAAGGGGHGHGAFFGGGGGAAAAGAAAAAYYYYYLLLLL
VPAPS: I’m sorry, I did not get that. Please repeat your account number, saying each number slowly and clearly.
ME: (out of breath because I just ran into a bathroom and shut and locked the door) (heavy breathing) 6 (ahuh) 8 (ahuh) 2 (ahuh) 5 (ahuh) 7 3 4…
VPAPS: Thank you. Now, please say one of the following options: make a payment, check your balance, check latest activity, speak to a representative.
ME: Check…
CAT (who was sleeping in the bathroom sink): meow
VPAPS: I’m sorry, I did not get that. Please say your choice: make a payment, check your balance, check latest activity, speak to a representative.
ME: (in auctioneer’s speed) checklatestactiv…
KIDS OUTSIDE BATHROOM: (bang, bang) Why are you in there? AAAGGGGHGHGAFFGGGGGAAAAGAAAAAYYYYLLLLL!!!
VPAPS: I’m sorry, I did not get that. Please say your choice: make a payment, check your balance, check latest activity, speak to a representative.
ME: (yelling into the phone, because that makes them more likely to hear me and understand me) Whereisthefreakingoption to punch in the numbers!
VPAPS: I’m sorry, I did not get that. Please say your…
ME: (crying) I give up. Click.
****************************************
I can sense an open letter coming from this. Y’all know how much I love open letters. So check back tomorrow…
Not So SAHM 
Visualizing this whole scene play out and, sorry, LMAO! Went through a similar scene when trying to help the mother resolve a Social Security issue earlier this year. (SHE was the one I was shushing and trying to keep quiet so I could use the VPAPS.)
WHEW! Been there!
This stresses me out just reading it!
that is so stressful! I have realized that sometimes when you push “0” it will take you to a live person… you might want to try that… so sorry!
hahahahaaa…….really not laughing at you, but I have experienced that more than a few times…LOL… It doesn’t get any better when they are grown either…then it will be DH saying, BABE???? Babe???? why aren’t you answering me???? LOL…thanks for the giggles…and congrats on your day on SITS
Robin
http://tqmnurse.blogspot.com
Vicki that is so funny. I SO know what you are talking about, I have to lock myself in the conservatory when I make an ‘important’ phone call and I get two little faces pressed to the window like kids at a candy shop.
Many congrats on your SITS day, hope you have a blast!
Congrats on being the Sits blogger today!
I am LOL on this one, I think we’ve all been here, heck, I STILL hide in the bathroom to talk on the phone with ANYONE business or pleasure, and my kids are 11 & 13….and sometimes I do it to hide from the husband, why? Cuz it doesnt’ matter to ANYONE that there is a phone against my ear, now does it?! LOL
This is SO much my life! My kids have phone radar– as soon as I pick it up they are RIGHT THERE needing something they didn’t need two seconds before. BAHAHAHAHAHA
Why is it that the kiddos always seem to know when you’re actually trying to accomplish something on the phone? My own brother has said he ‘had to go’ because the noise was getting to him -LOL! It’s like they see Momma with the phone in hand and automatically NEED, WANT or MUST HAVE something right that second. The joys of Mommahood:)
i am laughing so hard…and congrats! i just wonder who thought up the voice automation…def not someone who had kids (or a hubby) around.
super fun blog…i’m heading out to get to know you more!
Wow, it’s not just me that happens to…
And I DO NOT like those voice recognizing things. Just le t me talk to a person please!
Saw you on SITS!
I always feel like a rat in a maze when I try to do business with a VPAPS. Great post. I feel your pain.
Congrats on your SITS DAY!!!
Congrats on your Sits Day! I’ve done the finger snapping so many times while on the phone. That is to funny I can see me doing that. Much Love
Congrats on being Queen for a Day at SITS! As a mother of grown children I am now an emptynester! I just have dogs who decide to bark when I am on the phone! Here’s some Sista’ lovin and a big old hug for you! It’s not easy being a not so SAHM!
Oh man, that made me cringe! My husband already goes through that same frustration everytime he calls a voice automated system — and we don’t have kids yet! He just gets so stressed out, then I get proximity stress.
Congrats on your SITS spotlight!
LOL…I have always stated htat my kids can go all day and not talk to me but the MINUTE I get on the phone they are all over me, talking to me, etc…. I found you thru SITS and wanted to say CONGRATS on being blog of the day.
I hate those automated speak thingys…HATE. THEM. They were obviously NOT created by mothers with young children…
Congratulations on your SITS day! Enjoy all the bloggy love!
Why I press “O” over and over again, ’til getting a live person. Exactly why.
I can soooo relate to this! 🙂
Oh, I hate those phone systems. Like one of the commenters above me, I press “0” like crazy. Enjoy your SITS day!
That’s usually my husband’s reaction…because i’m the onle that starts talking!! Oops….
TOO FUNNY!! Been there, but was able to find the punch in the numbers option!! heehee
hahaha That’s great. Thwarted again. I hate those damn phone systems.
Love your blog, cute design, beautiful colors and great content!!
Have a wonderful SITS day and enjoy all the comment love.
Oh goodness, V, frustrating yet perfectly illustrates the joy of parenthood 🙂 I’m sure someday you will be able to laugh at the silliness, if you haven’t already.
Happy Saucy Day!
This was too funny! Every freaking time I get on the phone I deal with with this. Oh how I miss my phone talking days….
Aren’t kids fun sometimes? And ever so convienent!
Hugs….Summer
Happy SITs day!! Your post is too true!! I have been there! I have enjoyed looking around your blog. Enjoy your day!
LOL – I have done that myself. Super cute blog!!
Congrats on your SITS Monday!
OMG – LMBO. I have been there, done that! Thank you for sharing it with the rest of us. Love your blog and enjoy your day. SITS sista,
Cheryl
Isn’t this the truth. I always just try hitting zero to see if I can get a real live person.
Congrats on your SITS day!!
Oh, this so happens to me all the time!!!
congrats on being the SITS blog of the day!!
Oh my gosh… I hope these automated systems dont have “real” people listening in… because sometimes I cannot control the “french” that comes out of my mouth! On another note, awesome blog… LOVE the layout and colors… off to rad more!
I always find myself being mean when I get a system I have to talk to. And, you can’t really make those personal calls from the office when it’s an automated system.
I learned that with some of those systems if you just mute the phone and don’t push any buttons they will automatically direct you to a rep.
Maybe that will work next time…
Doesn’t it always seem that the kids are absolutely perfect and quiet right up until that moment that it is time to start saying your account number? Very funny telling of the story.
Haha that’s great! Don’t you love voice automated systems?! Congrats on your SITS day!
Oh my GOD. Seriously. Between that and the “press 1 for English…” crap, I HATE calling anyone anymore. I shouldn’t HAVE to press ANYTHING for English. English is our NATIONAL LANGUAGE. English is the DEFAULT. Stop wasting my time and making me press unnecessary buttons.
And either improve the voice recognition software or go back to button pushing. Yikes.
Frusterating! I had a problem when I had to check on lost luggage last year. You had to tell the machine what your last name was. Mine isn’t pronounced how you think, and I’ve heard others pronounce probably 10 different ways. I didn’t know which way the computer thought it should be pronounced, so I had to guess each time I called in. I finally figured out what it thought my last name was and felt like an idiot answering the question “What is your last name?” with something other than my last name!
Oh that gave me a good laugh! Good to know I’m not alone!
I know!! If you are concerned about customer service how about a frickin person on the other end!! Very frustrating!!
OMGosh…too funny!!! Thank you so much for the morning giggle! I have actually experienced (although not to that extreme;) trying to use those darn voice systems while my kids were hanging off my legs…awesome. Take care:)
Whatever happened to the good ol’ days when you actually had to enter the numbers in on the phone? The person who designed these voice activated automated phone answering services clearly does not have children.
I posted a very similar situation to this, regarding a dishwasher recall. The automated people make me NUTS!
Thanks for the chuckle!
~sass
Reminds me of a few times I’ve left my cell at home and tried to use the OnStar phone and if there is even the slightest sound the automated woman can’t understand me. I end up giving up after the 3rd time I same the phone number!
Funny stuff
Hey…congrats on your special day!
When I call a place and it’s automated I always press 0! I don’t go through that awful press 1 for…
Lee 🙂
I feel your stress!
🙂
Oh I hate those lines! And why is it as soon as you are on the phone, the kids and/or hubby come running with something to say. I swear my husband is as bad as the kids & let me tell you it is even more embarrassing, lol. At least people on the other end expect kiddos to do it.
I can’t stand those!!!
Happy Sits day.
I’m so with you! I am convinced that a 60-year-old man with absolutely no family, friends or home life created the VPAPS.
I would pay big money to listen to the things screamed at an automated system. I imagine even George Carlin (God rest his soul) could probably pick up a new word or two.
Congrats on being Featured Blogger!
Em
That’s hilarious! I think we’ve all been there. Of course there have been one too many recent situations in which my husband is on one of those calls and shushing both the children AND me! Not sure what this says about me as a parent…
I swear, I’m having deja vu!! One second the kids are quietly playing, and it seems like the most opportune time to make a call, and as soon as I finish dialing the number, someone is crying, screaming, begging, questioning, etc, etc. OH, you described my life to a tee! Thanks for the laugh…I saw you on SITS…I’ll have to check back more often!
Oh, that is too funny. And so true. Every Tuesday we go through a drive through on our way to choir. And when I am ordering, I have a constant stream of children telling me it’s wrong (when I am placing my own or the sisters order) or what they want to drink (already covered that) – so now we have a rule that they are not allowed to speak from the time we pull into the parking lot until we are back on the road.
I just came from SITS and saw you were the featured blogger today-how fun is that?! This post was such a hoot…I can relate all too well!
I’ve been there more times than I care to remember.
Congrats on being SITS FB today!
Too stinkin’ funny! Where’s a REAL person when you need one? I’ve been where you are also…
Love your blog! So cute.
Oh yes! That is why I depise automated recordings! Where are all the live people at?
Ha Ha to funny!
Those automated messages drive me nuts..
Ugh.
Becky
I can so relate!
I usually end up hollering.
“Give me a person to talk to! Now! I want an operator.”
Then I hang up.
🙂
So funny I almost peed my pants! Thanks for the belly laugh–and congrats on being the SITS Featured Blogger today! Come on over to my place, if you get the chance–we’ve got a *Recipe Week* goin’ on!
Oh man, they are the worst! Just scream, operator and you will normally get a real person.
You have a great way of making the mundane things i life very funny! I HATE HATE HATE those systems! Why can’t they just do push buttons? Not only is it difficult with kids, it’s impossible to do it in public. Thanks for the laugh!
Haha! Hilarious!
“Why are you in there”?
Congrats on being the SITS featured blogger!
I am laughing my bum off over this since I have been through it so MANY times myself.
Congrats on being the featured SITS blog! 🙂
Congrats on your day!! I was laughing out loud when reading this post. That exact thing has happened to me so many times…so annoying!!
Saw you featured on SITS. Great post. I too have been there, especially with the insurance company. It is a battle from the moment their automated machine answers. Better luck next time.
OM Gosh that is hilarious!!! I have 3 kids and I have so BTDT way too many times to count. I really do not like those voice recognition systems!!
Congrats on your SITS day. Your blog is great!
Happy SITS day, judging from your first post, I think I’m going to love this blog.
Congrats on your SITS day!
I can so relate to this post, has happen to me and it is fustrating.
Thank you for the great laugh, Vicki. Hilarious– I’m not laughing at you…well, maybe I am.
Dr. Robyn
Congrats on your SITS day! Yeah!
Happy SITS day! This post is hilarious! I hate those voice response things, particularly if there’s no option to get to a freaking operator instead.
WOW! You got some SERIOUS comment love….not surprising at all…..
Hope you enjoyed it! See ya in roll call!
And I also hate it when you have all the menu figured out and then they change it!
I have so been there! I usually try to punch in a number to try to get around the stupid vioce thing. I have an acent so those vioce promes never work for me
I’m laughing WITH you not at you! LOL
Fun-EE!
Congrats on your SITS day! I’m excited to read more!!
That was funny! And I can relate because my kids always decide they need to talk to me (read “yell”) when I’m on the phone, even when I’ve just told them that I’m going to be on the phone and that they need to be quiet. It seems to encourage them to yell more.
I’ve only used the voice recognition type phone service once before and that was enough. I believe my call ended with me yelling at the phone almost in tears too!
Oh, I’ve been there so many times! I hate those things! They pick up every background noise and around here (five kids!) there is ALWAYS background noise!
I now do almost everything bill and bank related online.
Thanks for the fun post! I sense the comradarie!
OMG…this is TOO funny, and reminds me of conversations at my house! On a completely different note, please drop by my place today–we’re featuring our regular Silly Sunday Sweepstakes. There are no winners, but it’s a whole lotta fun!
Wow! So funny, tears are running down my cheeks! BTW, got a Great New Giveaway going on over at my place, to commemorate my 100th post–please stop by!
Wow… that is so true. I can’t even escape to the bathroom without three kids and 4 cats trying to follow.
Been there too! Great post!!!