Rent Killers

Rent. Killers. This is how we now refer to our two cats.

That house I was so jazzed about was ripped out of our happy little hands because of these two turds. For a week we were told that our application was “on the top of the list”. We found out this past Monday though that the owner had decided to go with the other applicant…who only has one dog… Whatever.

I know there are cat haters out there but they have never met our cats. I mean our cats are different.

• They poop in their litterbox…as soon as they hear the garage door opening so we get to smell freshly pooped poop as soon as we walk through the door.
• They’re declawed so they don’t scratch up the carpet…no, they scratch up the leather couches with their back claws when they burn rubber off of them in the middle of the night while chasing each other around like there’s nothing better to do (like sleep).
• They sleep all day…except when pooping right before we get home. And this 16 hours of sleep gives their nocturnal little bodies plenty of energy to burn rubber on our leather couches while they chase each other around.
• They’re quiet…we don’t even hear them ripping up our couches at night. The only way we know they’re doing the Scooby Doo is the fact that the cushion looks more like suede now.
• They don’t mark on anything because they’re neutered…I’m sure the pooping thing and couch thing is vindication for ripping their manhood from them.
• They’re indoor-only cats…so to appease their instinctive desire to chew on grass they chew on flowers Du brings me or on our fake plants. And cat puke cleans up just as easily as dog puke.

Obviously the owner of the house made the wrong decision. We don’t blame our cats for that. He just doesn’t know them. The little rent killers.