Vandalism and shoplifting, I do it all

Can someone please tell me they become a little scatterbrained when they have busy days? Try throwing two kids in the mix and a temp of about 289 with 100% humidity. I know some people rely on their phones and day planners (of which I have both) but, whatever. Who needs that when you’re only going out to run some errands? All I wanted to get done today was:

  1. Meet the realtor at our house to take measurements and pictures (with specific ones to be noted)
  2. Obtain library cards (using required documentation that I did remember to bring)
  3. Check our mail
  4. Go grocery shopping
  5. Sustain our bodies with some type of mid-day nourishment

Some parts of my day were successes, others…failures. I got pictures and measurements of the house. More on that at a later date. I even remembered to get most of the measurements I wanted. I met several of our soon-to-be neighbors and their children. Let’s see, that’s about it for the successful part of my day. Wait. We did eat lunch. There.

I totally forgot about the library cards because as we were pulling away from the house I was worried about an upcoming storm that was supposed to hit at any hour and drop hail. I did not want to be driving in DC traffic with hail added to the mix. So, hot and starving we headed straight for the mail then for lunch.

Only I forgot, the mail room is closed from 12pm to 1pm for lunch. I showed up at 12:15. Oh well, I figured we’d go get lunch, grocery shop and then come back. Lunch was fairly uneventful and fairly gross and greasy, but I’ve come to expect that from the Food Court. On to grocery shopping. My girls actually behaved themselves today and I only had to get on to Ash once I think. 

As I was loading everything onto the conveyor belt thing at the register the clerk gave me one of those looks and said something under her breath. So I threw down a jar of pickles, shattering it to a thousand pieces, stuffed some Flintstones Vitamins in my purse, threw some money at her and stormed out of the grocery store, shoving the grocery cart with the girls in it in front of me. That’ll show them!

Oh wait. That’s not how it happened. I tried to pick up the jar of pickles from the cart to the conveyor and they slipped from my hand and fell to the ground and broke shattered into a million (not a thousand) pieces. This jar only fell one foot, I swear, but it made the loudest shattering sound I’ve ever heard. And then pickle juice started spreading everywhere. I just stood there mumbling, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, sorry”. A store bagger cleaned it up, bagged my groceries and then followed me out of the store. I was pushing a cart with the girls in it when the bagger noticed the vitamins…at Ashlyn’s feet. I sheepishly handed them to him mumbling something about “please take those back in. I’ll come back some other time to get the vitamins…and pickles.”

Knowers of me, you can vouch that I am cheap. This grocery store allows its baggers to be tipped. In fact, they make it a big deal to tell you that “baggers work for tips only”. I’m not dissing the baggers, I’m dissing the bagging system in general. I hate it. And I normally tip my bagger $2. Go ahead, I know. Today though I forked over a big ol’ Lincoln. After all, the guy had mopped up my pickle mess, bagged all my groceries, carried them out in 289 degree heat (100% humidity) and prevented me from committing larceny. He earned every penny (and, I’m sure, more).

Oh, and I forgot to go back and check the mail.

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7 thoughts on “Vandalism and shoplifting, I do it all

  1. Grandma Dee says:

    You can’t hear it but I’m laughing with you : ))) It seems the storm did hit,,,throwing down pickles instead of hail. If you had tipped more than the Lincoln it might have looked like a bribe.

  2. dandelionmom says:

    LOLOL!!!Here in the land of the nice we don’t tip our baggers-they work for min I think–I haven’t seen anyone else do it either and they don’t hang around the car when they are done-usually when I turn around to say thank you they are already on their way back in.

    I see your pickles and raise you a bottle of sparkling apple cider-during Christmas rush! It hit and went off like a bomb-shrapnel everywhere! (a casualty of a jerky conveyor-I was ahead of the cart at the time and it was behind-my feet did get wet and a chip hit my ankle)

    Today will be better-the mail would only have had more things for you to take care of in it anyway…

  3. You need one of those shirts that says, “I’m SO blogging about this, lol” – sorry for the un-fun adventure… shopping can be really stressful unfortunately. I’m still trying to remember not to take everything in life too seriously, and it doesn’t come naturally to me, lol. I want to be one of those people who can laugh at myself AT THE MOMENT, not 10 years later! 😉

    At least you had something to blog about!

  4. Yikes! What an ugly experience.

    It’s easy to walk out with stuff though when you’re preoccupied. I got a free case of water once because I rarely put things on the bottom. I forgot it and the checker didn’t notice and I didn’t realize it until hours later. Though I felt vindicated because the week before, they had TRIPLE charged me for an item (total worth more than the water) and then wouldn’t do anything about it since I’d left the store. (Was at the car when I realized it.)

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