Jill of Tips From Home and the new Branddoozie; AND Toni of A Daily Dose of Toni and MomDot tagged me to list 6 unspectacular things about myself. And since I made you drink Windex over that just recently I’m going to go easy on you and not list six more. I’m going to discuss one. One big. freaking. unspectacular. ugly. mess. My teeth. You didn’t know they really looked like this did you?
Ooh, I just vomited a little.
So, they’re not that bad. But I’m too young to be having old people teeth problems, you know? From the very first ages we’re subliminally taught that if we have problems with our teeth then we’re dirty or a bad person. I’m a bad person for having problems with my teeth.
I’ll just admit right now that I didn’t take care of my teeth in college. And I’ll admit too that I drank my fair share of coke. And ate my fair share of chocolate. Late at night. A girl’s gotta relieve stress right? Stress relief wreaked havoc on my teeth. Fortunately (aesthetically) for me (and for you) they’re my back teeth.
I went to see the dentist recently. He basically told me I had big problems in my mouth. Some minor…and some not so minor work needs to be done soon. OK, this is not my fault…because this is America and you’re not really American any more unless you lay the blame on something or someone other than yourself. Maybe I’ll sue too since we’re really good at that as well.
I’m pretty sure I saw a dentist in college. That was so long ago I can’t remember, and have probably blocked the visits from my mind. Then came marriage and with it its own health care system. Those of you who know my husband’s line of work (or have guessed it by now…I don’t talk about it outright because we tend to be conspiracy theorists) know that the health care that comes with it is…um…socialist, really. So, I saw these dentists in Germany who wanted to win the prize for how many patients they could see and treat in an hour. I’m sure my guy won. Drive through fillings? He wrote the book.
Then came a small town dentist with small town equipment. Then came a dentist who made her money from doing unnecessary dental work. Then came a dentist with equipment from the 70s. Now we’re here in Alabama, and can I just say I’ve never had a dentist as high tech as this guy? I’m loving it here, even if I’m saying that about a dentist. Even though he just told me he’d become very familiar with my mouth I’m willing to give him a shot. If he can promise me I’ll be all fixed.
And that’s just the issue. Once you have tooth problems they don’t just get fixed and go away. Dentists are like chiropractors in that way. Once you see one you know you’re going to need to go back again and again. Apparently fillings aren’t meant to last forever. I never signed that disclosure form. So apparently these crappy fillings that were put in by the socialist dentist and then redone and redone by later dentists, and those unnecessary fillings by Miss Moneymaker have only weakened my teeth.
AND to cap everything off (pun intended) my socialist health care will only pay for silver fillings and gold crowns. Yes, gold crowns. I thought those were just a fad of previous decades. Homey, I gonna hab me sum gold in mah mouth.
Should I get the diamond studded ones?
I hate visiting the dentist, because my badness that I can usually hide is presented up close with really big pictures. Teeth were never meant to be seen that big.
I guess I didn’t go easy on you with this post. But there you have it. My very unspectacular teeth. Go ahead, tell me that’s gross. Will you come back?
If you actually made it this far I have a treat for you. Click on over to Jaci’s blog, Ravings of a Mad Housewife, and check out my Cosmo inspired quiz. Take it and let me know how you did (I’m snickering).