TAY: Is Virginity Passe?

Welcome to the second installment of Talk Amongst Yourselves Week. Today we’re going to read a post from Ronnica of Tale of a Kansas Girl. Ronnica revealed a very intimate fact about her on her blog last week…(whispering) she’s a virgin. Are you gasping? I for one started jumping up and down when I read her post. I wanted to rally on the capitol again. Rally cry: “Virginity! It ain’t for sissies!” “Don’t do it until you say ‘I do’!” This is one of the many things I pray for for my girls. I want them to remain pure until the night of their wedding. Then, on that night, I will go watch the loudest, funniest movie I can to get out of my mind what’s happening in some hotel room somewhere. (Actually, hopefully we’ve talked about it before hand so I can give them some tips and pointers…is that TMI?) Read Ronnica’s post and tell us what you think.

Proud To Be A Virgin

I’ve had this post on my mind for several weeks, but many questions made me hesitant to post it. What if you reject me because I’m old-fashioned? What if the topic is simply too personal? What if I’m simply writing this out of pride? What if you think I’ll look down on you? What if the subject really should be taboo?

But with a little help from a bloggy friend, here it is. To be honest, the only reason why I’m going through with it today is because I told her to look for it today. I hope that it can be an encouragement to some.

What I’ve been wanting to say is this: I’m proud to be a virgin. There’s much about my past that is less than stellar, though it would do no good to dredge it up. There are many days I look back on and wish I could redo. But thanks be to God (and He’s really the only reason), through it all I knew I must keep my virginity. As I grew in my faith, the conviction to stay sexually pure moved beyond merely avoiding sexual intimacy outside of marriage to limiting other types of pre-sexual contact.

As you know, I’m single and have never been married. That means that my commitment to God to remain chaste until marriage has led me to remain a virgin. Though this behavior is not seen as “normal” (just take a look at most movies: you know the characters are in love because they get in bed together) and made fun of, I’m okay with being counter-cultural. Sadly, even among Christian circles virginity is a lost art (though anyone reading literature or studying history will see that while chastity among the unmarried and faithfuless in marriage is more rare today, it was not universally practiced in history, either).

I don’t know when/if I’ll be married. If I never marry, I realize my commitment to God’s standard will mean that I will die a virgin. Though I don’t want that, I’m okay with it. My Lord is more important than my own pleasure.

Though you’ve always been wonderful, I ask that today that you be particularly sensitive in your comments. This is not a subject that I feel I can discuss fully. If you ask any questions, I’d prefer to answer them via email, so make sure you have it in your profile, otherwise leave it in your comment. Feel free to email me as well (taleofakansasgirl (at) hotmail (dot) com). Thank you!

Just so you know, Ronnica has been enboldened by the kind comments she has already received. But what do you think? Is virginity passé? What is the importance of remaining a virgin until marriage? Or is that importance an idea that has evolved into a “whatever is best for you” type thing? Is it important to leave something for your spouse that only you and s/he will share? Talk amongst yourselves!

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10 thoughts on “TAY: Is Virginity Passe?

  1. Shauna says:

    Hi there Vicky,

    I read some of your comments on P4M and thought I would check out your site. Great stuff! From one conservative Christian mama to another! Thanks so much!

  2. I left her a comment yesterday, actually, but I think it’s a wonderful thing! People always thought we (hubby and I) were crazy when we’d tell them that we were both virgins until we got married. Especially since we dated for so long…. 6 years before getting married. It wasn’t always an easy decision…. I mean you get into college and want to go with the flow, even after graduating college, but it was always the right decision for us. A decision that I hope my own children will choose to make when they get older.

  3. I think it really is a to each their own. I think it is admirable for someone to hang onto their virtue that way. I wanted to wait until I was married, but didn’t, thanks to my stupidity and society’s pressure.

  4. I was 17 when I lost my virginity. It was a mistake in the worst of ways, and I don’t wish that for my own children.

    However, I would not want to die a virgin. Perhaps it’s because I don’t have that connection with God that I see a meaniful sexual relationship as something that can be shared between two people, whether or not they are married.

    What if I were NOT married but had met the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with?

    I agree with Melisa – “to each their own.” It’s such a personal decision . . .

  5. Umm, I hope it’s okay for me to stick my head up back here. =)

    Thanks for all the comments everyone, and for allowing a place to talk about this, Vicki.

    Lis: You said, “What if I were NOT married but had met the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with?” If I was in that situation, I would/will get married! If my mind is made up (as is his), we will have sex at some point. I’m simply choosing to do so after the wedding ceremony, not before.

  6. “This is one of the many things I pray for for my girls. I want them to remain pure until the night of their wedding.” err, I doubt this is a decision you’ll get to make, very few people remain virgins until marriage, and its entirely up to them.

    In all probability they’ll start having sex at the median age for your community (17 or so?), just hope its safe and happy sex. One thing you *can* do is make sure they’re prepared and informed when they do.

    More about sex ed and teen pregnancy here:

    http://scienceblogs.com/cognitivedaily/2008/09/sexed_in_the_real_world_do_int.php

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