My lethal weapon

I have a lethal weapon. I don’t conceal it. I don’t warn people about it. In fact, I usually don’t think about it. I’ve gotten so adept that I usually use it without even thinking. And if we’re getting all technical, I actually have two.

MY ELBOWS

Yes, as Du and many others will attest my elbows are powerful, stealthy and downright razor sharp. I have pinged him on the head so many times we’ve stopped keeping count. At least I have. He tends to go to sleep before I do. I’m left reclining on my pillow reading (never blogging…not any more at least). So when I’m done reading I have to lean over, place my book on the night stand and turn off the lamp. Then, naturally, I have to readjust myself in the bed. More often than not I tend to nail Du in the face with my elbow while flopping around. Why does he always put his face in my way?

I’ve jabbed others as well. My daughters, my cousin, my mother, friends. No one is imune if they are in my range of motion. And you better hope vital organs (or sensitive body parts) aren’t at elbow level…as my cousin can confirm.

But as I’ve heard, we tend to point with our elbows at what we desire. So, obviously I think Du is really hot. His face at least. And my cousin’s boob.

Lethal weapons one and two. Most ladies name their, ahem…chest area. Since I have no basis to do that I will name my elbows. Except, I’m not that clever. I wanted to go for Nikita and Lolita but just now, while running that by Du, he looked at me and rolled his eyes. And Thing 1 & Thing 2 just doesn’t seem to do it. So I’m enlisting your help. Now, I fully expect Dandelionmom to pull out all the stops here and come up with two fabulous names. But she’s having her own troubles naming her new cows right now (I voted for Georgia and Talullah). No consolation for me.

Help a lethal spy out will ya?

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18 thoughts on “My lethal weapon

  1. i am so exhausted i have no ideas right now.. but this post did make me laugh. I have lethal hips. I am constantly turning and knocking down my toddler who is constantly under my feet with my hips. It is so annoying for both of us…

    also, are you serious about coming to visit…that would be awesome! I will make the bread and cake….

  2. I’m toward the end of a 12 hour shift and a have a headache, so this is not my best work, but how about “Elle” and “Beau” heheh. Lame, I know. sorry.

    Reminds me of that “everybody loves raymond” episode where Deborah has to come up with a name for a character for an italian restaurant and she comes up with “Pete Za” (pizza…) hehe. funny 🙂

  3. dandelionmom says:

    TOOOO FUNNY! You Bond girl you!! How about a title instead like THE BLUDGEONS OF DOOOM. think about it…you are in line waiting for the new release of the newest Iphone (the one that will MOP too!) and you can drop hints in line like: “don’t be messin wit me-I’ll hafta break out the bludgeons of doom” You must be one tough woman at garage sales! I am more the passive “block with lots of mass” type instead of an offensive player with weapons. LOL

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