It seems like everyone and his brother can win a Nobel Peace Prize these days. From Lech Walesa (respectable and admirable) to…Al Gore (?) to…Barack Obama. All you must do these days, it seems, is oppose George Bush and only mention that you want peace. Actions need not be demonstrated. Therefore, I’d like to give you my top ten nominations for the Nobel Peace Prize.
10. Barack Hussein Obama: For his “nascent” activities for world peace. As the AP says, “The Norwegian Nobel Committee lauded the change in global mood wrought by Obama’s calls for peace and cooperation but recognized initiatives that have yet to bear fruit” BTW, the nomination process supposedly began two weeks before he even took office to try to begin working on the things he’s promised.
9. Every beauty pageant contestant who ever uttered these words: “I believe in world peace!” Because words are apparently so much more meaningful than actions.
8. My friend Lyn: After all, she writes on her Facebook page, “I have three homeschool children and no one’s dead yet.” Hear, hear Lyn! We should nominate homeschoolers as a group. We could be the first large group to win a Nobel Peace Prize.
7. Trash collectors: Imagine how angry and unpeaceful this world would be if we didn’t have people picking up our trash. These men and women have a dirty job and they need to be recognized for the peace they bring while cleaning up after our messy selves.
6. Barney the purple stinkin’ dinosaur: He teaches kids to love each other and be a big happy family. And he teaches the clean up song.
5. Rodney King: For uttering this quote long before Obama came on scene: “People, I just want to say, you know, can we all get along? Can we get along? Can we stop making it, making it horrible for the older people and the kids?…It’s just not right. It’s not right. It’s not, it’s not going to change anything. We’ll, we’ll get our justice….Please, we can get along here. We all can get along. I mean, we’re all stuck here for a while. Let’s try to work it out. Let’s try to beat it. Let’s try to beat it. Let’s try to work it out.” *
4. My friend Heather: (and every other yoga instructor) As a yoga instructor I am positive that she has helped many people climb down from that precipice of hate to an inner world of peace, which then spread to the people around them. I’m guessing Obama does yoga.
3. Every masseuse on this earth: Relieving stress through physical pressure in those exact right spots. It’s quite obvious that Kim Jong-il and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad do not get regular massages. Obama, however, probably has a table set up in the oval office. He’s so peaceful, he’s said so.
2. The entire canine species: Hey, dogs are people too and they are always trying to make us happy. There should little puppies at every international negotiation session. And they should all have medals around their necks.
1. Every single person on this earth: We are the world, right? Don’t we all play a little part in bringing peace to this world? I think we should all nominate ourselves. And we should all win. And then the Nobel Peace Prize would lose every bit of significance that it ever had to begin with.
*Ralph Keyes. The Quote Verifier: Who Said What, Where, and When. ISBN 0-312-34004-4
Not So SAHM 
Vicki, I love your blog!! And I couldn’t agree with you more – the Nobel Peace Prize?? You’ve got to be kidding me.
Just so you know it’s not just you … I support the president and this made me pause.
I thought maybe it was a pity prize since he didn’t get the Olympics to Chicago.
omgosh… this totally cracked me up!
Whoo hoo! I win! I was thinking the same thing when I heard this morning that it seemed like kind of a bullsh– award. Funny story, after one of what I thought was my greatest most peaceful classes ever, I had a woman almost rear end me in the parking lot of the gym because I wasn’t going fast enough. Then she started beeping and yelling at me out the window. I watched her face turn red as she yelled and realized she had been in the front row of my class. So much for inner peace.
I’d like to add my dog, Addie, to the list. She brings happiness to even the most sincere dog-haters, and as an added bonus, she is black!
Brilliant. But, if I might be so bold as to add an 11th, I might nominate Bobby McFerrin for his brand of utterly useless, yet compulsively danceable, optimism. “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” is a far more efficient mantra than “Yes We Can,” too, since the latter suggests only ability and not accomplishment. The former is a damned imperative!
I personally would like to nominate Kanye West… No offense Obama, but Kanye had the best video ever!
dear vicki,
once again, i concede that you are funnier than me.
your friend, ben
Couldn’t agree more. Great writing, great post, great blog.