Explaining Myself

Do you ever have those times when you feel like you have to explain yourself? And the more you explain the weirder you sound? Oh, yes you do. I had two such experiences today.

 

Experience #1:
Today is grocery day.  I normally fill our cart with healthy foods. I know you wouldn’t believe it from what you read on this blog, but honestly most items that go into our cart are fresh, non-boxed and not processed. Honestly. So, today, here is what I put in my cart, in order of how the cashier scanned it:

• Spring water (see!)
• Cookie Crisp cereal
• Honey Nut Cheerios cereal
• Doritos
• Better Cheddar Crackers
• Oreos
• Chips Ahoy (the low fat kind)
• Teddy Grahams
• Pop Tarts
• Chocolate chips – peanut butter swirls
• Chocolate chips – caramel swirls
• Can of mixed nuts
• Flour
• Beef Jerky
• Peanut M&Ms
• Plain M&Ms
• Brown Sugar
• Smart Balance Peanut Butter x2
• Banana something pudding cups
• Crisco
• Milk (skim)
• Butter
• Fudge Pops

I’m always self-conscious about what I put up on the conveyor belt. I assume the cashier is rating each customer as she scans our items: Pig. Health Nut. Stingy. Vegetarian. Meat Lover. OMG, you’re buying those!?! What do you make with that?  You’ve already opened the box…couldn’t you at least wait until you’re in your car? Pig.

Then comes my order above. I can hear her thinking: Diabetes waiting to happen. So I immediately speak up to shut her mind up. “I, uhh, don’t usually buy all this stuff. We’re, uh, going on vacation soon. Most of this is our, um, travel food…” I trail off as she saves me from myself, “Oh, really? I wasn’t even paying attention.” “Oh, good.” is what I say. “Whatever, yeah right.” Is what I’m thinking.

If I just wouldn’t have said anything I wouldn’t feel like a weirdo for buying mostly junk food on my once weekly trip to the store. But after you speak up and make the excuse, then the weirdness is out there and the veracity of your claims are automatically doubted.

So I tuck my tail between my legs and exit the store. Now, about what and how we eat when we’re traveling–lay off, mk? When you’re cooped up in a car the boxed, premade, processed stuff is the best. She’s right though, we’re all likely to go into sugar shock while ddddrrrrriiiiivvvvviiiiinnnnngggg across Kansas.

 

Experience #2:

Well, this was really an almost experience. I learned from my foot in mouth episode twenty minutes earlier.

We round the curve in the road nearing our house to see a lawn service trailer by our yard and two or three people milling about our yard. Uhh, I mowed last week, does the POA take matters into their own hands when they feel we’re not doing a good enough job? The lady explains to me the homeowners (we’re renting) sent her out there to take care of the weeds. My first reaction was to be defensive. There aren’t that many weeds in the shrubbery. Granted the ground cover isn’t free and clear of its share of grass growing throughout it…but we’re getting to that soon. After the vacay. Then I remembered that our front lawn is basically a good 50/50 mix of grass and weeds. And it’s splotchy. I’m never in the front yard because of that reason, thus I forget what it looks like. The claws retract.

THEN, I remember that my name is still mowed into the back yard. Remember that? Yeah, not me, until I see one of the guys on his way back there. My initial reaction was to wise crack: “just watch out for the big name in the backyard.” I caught myself though. Then they would have given me a weird look and would have backed up a couple of steps. Then I would have had to explain myself and how there’s a big name in the grass in the backyard and how I was being a wiseacre myself when I did it.

So I did the next best thing. I held back a snicker and said, “well, if you need anything let me know…”

 

That about explains it…