I hate being cold. I’d much rather be hot than cold. It has been hot as an oven down here and I haven’t minded a bit. In fact the heat is what is saving my life. This is what is prompting my:
OPEN LETTER TO THE MEAT LOCKERS
(OTHERWISE KNOWN AS STORES AND RESTAURANTS)
Dear managers of any store, restaurant or public area (especially Old Navy and Applebees),
Is this some form of a joke? Or are you really clueless as to how core body temperature works? Maybe it’s just me, but I’m the one suffering, so here goes. When it is really hot outside, people tend to dress for that weather. Hotter temperatures = less clothing. You get that part right?
Now, when we’re out and about in the summer, in our summer clothing, it is nice to get some relief from the heat. But do you really think we need to be cryogenically preserved for patronizing your establishment? Really? It’s not easy on a body to go from sizzling hot to meat locker cold. Who would have thought, right? Now a little burst of cold air would be nice to take the edge off the summer temps. I’m just saying a little though. We don’t need a never ending supply of frozen air blown on us continually just because it’s close to 100 outside.
Here’s another lesson. Your walls actually do a pretty good job at insulating. Just because it is so freakin’ hot outside doesn’t mean that we’re still going to feel that freakin’ hot once we step in from the heat. A little bit of air conditioning would do. You know, just to drop the inside temp to the low 70s. Let me ask, are you really comfortable with the thermostat set at 47? And actually, I’m acquiescing a bit here. I’d prefer the ambient temperature to be somewhere around 75 to 78, but I understand that most people wouldn’t go for that. But below 60? Really? When I enter the store there’s about one second of a feeling of relief. Then the chilliness sets in. Once I’ve been in there for about ten minutes I start to shiver. By the end of my stay I’m shaking so hard people nearby are wondering if I have some medical condition. This is not my idea of a good time shopping or eating. If I sigh out of relief and begin to actually dethaw upon exiting your building something’s wrong, right? If I’m relieved to be leaving that’s not good for you, is it?
Let me ask you this. Once we enter your place of business you want us to stay there and spend our money right? What good would it do then if I can’t even feel my fingers enough to pull the money out of my wallet? If my fingers are frozen I can’t sign the credit card bill. Will you pay for all the stuff I bought/ate?
Don’t tell me you’re doing this for your staff. I’m still in awe at how they can survive working in Siberia for hours on end. Yes, they may be moving around and active trying to give us great customer service, but they haven’t just come in from the heat either… They don’t need to be chilled to the bone because they don’t really know how hot it is outside. I’m the first one to admit that shopping is a sport; eating too. But I don’t come close to working up a sweat when I’m searching through racks and racks of clothes, or sitting down eating the latest version of chicken, Asian sauce and lettuce mixed together. I just don’t get hot doing these things. I’d venture to say that most normal people out there don’t either.
And don’t tell me to bring in a sweater. Do you know what all I have to remember already? I can’t think for myself because I’ve got someone talking to me 1000+ words an hour. That’s in my right ear. In my left ear I’ve got someone screaming because I’m not letting her bounce through the roof. I have to remember to bring my purse, my keys, my phone. I must remember to wear shoes. Oh, did I brush my hair? Did I brush the kids’ hair? Did I turn everything off? Are both cats still in the house? See? You want me to remember a sweater as well? In the summer? Shut up and turn down the air. The cold has frozen that part of your brain that affects judgment.
Your faithful (frozen) patron,