…so when two girls show up at your door promising to clean one of your room’s carpets for free–because they’re starting up a new business–and all they ask for in return is an honest opinion and to spread the word if you like them–don’t believe that it’s really free.
Because I did and what I got was close to two hours of a sales pitch for a vacuum cleaner. Yes, y’all, I was snookered today. And they ended up not even cleaning the whole room.
I have to set the stage. I’ve had it up to about my eyeballs with how dirty our living room carpet is getting. Each day I go in there and just walk out because it disgusts me. There’s a tea stain or two. A dirt stain. A long tape trail (free advice here: never secure a tv cable to berber carpet with duct tape. The tape comes up but the sticky does not. And all that’s left is dirt attaching itself to the sticky until there are two long black lines on your nice cream colored berber carpet).
All I could see when I would walk into the living was the tape trail. And I even tried my little Green Bissel Dirt Machine or whatever it’s called. It looked clean until the carpet dried. And then the two black lines just got dirtier and dirtier.
So, you see, I was at my wits end. A friend just had her carpets cleaned before Christmas and I asked her this very afternoon which company she used. I was planning on making the call this very afternoon to schedule an appointment when who should appear at my door? Why two little carpet cleaning fairies who were sent by God to save me money!
And all I had to do was spread the word. SCORE!!! I even Twittered about the “blessing from God”. The little fairies left promising to be back in an hour. Not too long after they left I heard another knock at the door. They were back! A clean carpet awaited me!
Wait, there were two men outside my door. Oh well, these were two of the guys helping to start the business. Actually, one of them was the “owner” starting up the business and left the other one to clean my carpet and “be my maid for the hour”. I thought it was weird that there wasn’t a huge tube coming out of the white van parked in front of my house. Don’t all carpet cleaning businesses own a van with a big tube coming out of it that sucks up all the dirty water? And what were these two suitcase-sized boxes the man was carrying? What good were they going to do?
As my maid began unpacking those boxes, talking a mile a minute, he began assembling something right before my eyes. It. was. a. vacuum. I think at that moment you probably felt the universe sigh for me. I was trapped in a vacuum demonstration! When was he going to clean my carpet? I had to get ready for my anniversary date soon. How long was this going to take?
After oh, twenty minutes of him going over all the bling on this special vacuum he actually squirted some foam on a stain on the carpet. Then he left it there and went on to talk about more vacuum bling. He was vacuuming my walls, y’all. He wanted to vacuum our tv. Our new flat screen-Du-will-kill-you-if-you-breathe-on-it-wrong-tv. VACUUM OUR TV!
I stopped him there. I then explained to him that we were going to have to leave soon and that I didn’t realize this was a sales demonstration. I was upfront that the carpet cleaning fairies vacuum hags had made it sound like it would be a carpet cleaning and that’s it. He sat in stunned silence for a minute and then began talking even faster and running around my house vacuuming things promising that he’d condense his spiel, but that he had to do it or he wouldn’t get paid. I just wanted to yell at him, “clean my freaking carpet like you promised!”
After spending five minutes vacuuming two square feet of our mattress trying to scare us and gross us into dust mite fright he finally got around to shampooing that black streak across the carpet. I was wringing my hands at this point. I didn’t care that the rest of the living room floor hadn’t been touched. I just wanted that stupid streak gone.
The “owner” finally made it back here and began talking actual numbers. We were quoted close to $2400 for a vacuum cleaner (I didn’t my parents didn’t even pay that much for my first car…twice over). We told him we’d go no higher than $500. When all was said and done we left my maid in the driveway waiting for the white van to come pick him up. We actually left our house for our date before the vacuum salesman did.
So don’t believe the carpet fairies when they show up at your door promising to clean a room for free that very day! You do owe them something. YOU OWE THEM YOUR TIME. Time from your life that you will never get back. And right now only time will tell if that tea stain and black streak will actually stay gone. You know how stains tend to reappear after carpets are professionally cleaned and the carpet dries. If they stay gone then I will consider it the best one hour and forty minutes I ever spent being held hostage by a spastic vacuum salesman. And my walls are clean.
P.S. Has anyone out there ever bought one of these vacuums?