I’m beginning to realize I love open letters. They let me get a lot off my chest. But they don’t seem to be positive do they? I’ll have to work on that.
NV of This D*mn House posted about Junk Mail and it made me think about how everyone I know is inundated with the stuff. And how no one I know appreciates any of it…or actually uses any of the offers put forth. I love getting mail. Have since I was a girl. It’s being ruined for me though. Since no one sends actual physical correspondence anymore all I have to look forward to are catalogs, bills and junk.
So here’s my open letter to all those junk mail senders:
OPEN LETTER TO ALL YOU COMPANIES/ORGANIZATIONS/CHARITIES, ETC THAT SEND MAIL
Just to let you know, you may consider the mail you’re sending to be informative. We consider it junk. You may think that once we read your plea for money there will be no way we can resist. We do. Because we don’t even read the letters. In this household this type of mail doesn’t even get read. Here’s what happens:
Vicki checks the mail.
Vicki sorts through mail.
Vicki puts all junk mail in one pile.
Vicki then rips envelopes in half resulting in the first part of the shred.
Vicki then sends everything through the shredder WITHOUT HAVING READ ANY OF IT!
Now, obviously there’s a reason you continue to send this stuff out to the American public. Either, your overhead budget is so high that you don’t care how effective your mail campaigns are, or there are some people out there who actually send you money, apply for your card, apply for your loan, etc. once they receive these pleas. Please give me their names. I’d like to teach them a little something…
Also, you owe me about $75 for a new shredder. I think that’s what they cost these days. My shredder gets choked up swallowing all the crap informative pieces of particulate I feed it. It’s your fault.
Shall we even venture to the topic of environmental waste? I’m not really green by any means. Maybe chartreuse. I do understand that you’re using a whole lot of paper = trees. Or are you more interested in the American economic system? Something like:
- you buy paper and ink = $ into the system
- you buy stamps = $ into the system
- you mail them = work for mailman to do = maintained demand for mailmen
- we open mail to shred = paper cuts = need for band aids = $ into the system
- we shred mail and break shredder = need to buy new shredder = $ into the system
- we go crazy posting about junk mail = need to visit “professional” = $ into the system
I get it now. Isn’t there a better way for you to pump money into the economy though?