Not So SAHM

…because really, I have to be on something to drive twelve hours with two kids. by. my. self. Did I mention there was no other adult? I’m just thanking God right now that Ashlyn isn’t potty training yet. I don’t know why I’m worried about that though, we stopped enough times because of my needs. My bladder is no longer what it used to be. I used to have camel bladder. You know, like Reagan has now: she can wake up in the morning and then not go to the bathroom until lunchtime. Makes you cross your legs thinking about it doesn’t it? Well, that used to be me, sort of. After two babies stretching and pressing my bladder into something akin to a shriveled balloon it no longer works like a camel’s hump. That’s a gross analogy anyway so I’m going to stop right there with it. It’s the crack talking.

Like I said, I was all alone. In the tight confines of an SUV. You’d think by looking at the outsides of those things that they’d be huge and vast on the inside. No. Three little sardines and a hundred pounds of crap luggage and necessities for a week long trip. Why are we not minimalists? And why are earplugs considered “illegal” while driving?

Here are some tidbits as if the first paragraph wasn’t enough for you:

• We didn’t listen to a single cd. I’m surprised because who would’ve thought there’d actually be something on the radio in northern Alabama, all of Mississippi or all of Arkansas? And I don’t even have satellite radio!
• Neither girl slept as much as I wanted them to. This means I didn’t get as much Mommy Time as I would have liked. I consider time in a vehicle to be my own personal time where I can tune into my thoughts and tune out the rest of the world, including my offspring. I have been known to say, “Mommy’s going to have quiet time now. You may talk but I’m not going to be listening and I won’t respond.” You know you’ve done it (or you’ve wanted to).
• Ashlyn only screamed about 10% of the total amount that I thought she would. That right there, my friends, saved my sanity. And for the amount of time she was awake it’s a miracle for which I give all credit to God. Instead of screaming she liked to say, “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy…Mommy, Mommy…” Maybe I should have preferred the screaming, then I could have tuned it out better…
• We passed through a town, Ravensomething, Arkansas, that still had all of its Christmas decorations up. Yes they did. Now you know every single person in that town is a redneck for the whole town to still be lit up with candy canes and snowflakes on every telephone pole. I can’t believe I forgot the name of the town.
• I didn’t get drowsy once. Another miracle. I didn’t ever drive a stretch of road and then realize that I didn’t remember just driving it. I didn’t have to roll down the window or crank up the radio or throw water in my face or sing 99 bottles or drink a kajillion Cokes (or eleventy-two, Rachel).
• I only drank two Cokes. Wait, three counting the one I bought. And get this: for our morning drive-through meal I ordered sweet tea instead of Coke.
• I actually enjoyed the trip. I know, it must be the crack talking again. I love traveling and I really do enjoy driving so the actual trip wasn’t bad. It was the vibrate-y, cotton-y feeling that started to envelop me near the end that I didn’t like. I could have pulled over and stopped for the night but in northern Arkansas on my own personal roller coaster there are no hotels you just stop at. And you get uneasy feelings passing through towns like Ravenswhatever that push you to keep on going those last hundred or so miles.

Come back for tomorrow night’s post because I’ll be posting from somewhere different and will have a neat story to tell! No crack whatsoever.