Not So SAHM

Email is looking better everyday

I never thought I’d say this but sending out email Christmas greetings instead of cards is looking better every year. Since we move around every couple of years we’re constantly meeting new people and wanting to stay in touch. Our address list for Christmas cards will probably top out at around 115 this year. That’s:

115 photo cards (bought at Costco this year so less than $50!)
115 stamps ($48.30)
115 sheets of paper trimmed down to fit perfectly into odd-sized envelope.
115 times of writing out our return address (too late to buy labels and I don’t use the ones that are sent to us by every single charity out there. I don’t know why. Oh, yes I do, they usually have one or both names spelled incorrectly).
115 times of writing out different addresses praying that I get each right the first time so I don’t have to waste another envelope, which has no match at WalMart, so you have to go buy more photo cards to get the extra envelopes…
At least six or seven hand cramps and a week of forearm fatigue from writing 230 addresses.
Numerous paper cuts on my tongue from licking 115 envelopes. I get no help with this from fellow family members. Ahem. I tried a wet sponge once but it just disintegrated the envelope and made it such a wet mess that no sticky was left to even adhere.
Inevitably several big bouts of disappointment as cards come back undeliverable because our “friends” have forgotten to give us forwarding addresses. My tongue twinges with pain each time as it remembers the feeling it got cut licking that particular envelope.

And what do I get if we sent out email Christmas greetings?

Write one letter.
Click the select key while holding down the control button 115 times.
Click send.
Erase name of any “friend” whose email comes back to us undeliverable.
This was all just FREE and done in one evening.

Holy hand cramp. I’ve never weighed the pros and cons like that before! And I’m not even sure our “friends”, or family for that matter, keep our nice little photo card that was so lovingly prepared and sent to them.

The decision is made. Unless some big bout of sentimentality and digital hatred comes over me in December 2009 these hands will be clickety click clicking away on the computer. I’m not an email greeting snob…anymore.

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By the way, if you do receive hundreds of photo cards from friends and family I have a great tip for how to use them throughout the year. Come back tomorrow to find out! Hint: It involves no scissors, tape, glue gun or craftiness of any sort.

Grinning and bearing it for one more year,

christmas07-photo
2007’s card

PSA: Put it back

The girls and I were at WalMart today picking up a quick couple of things. We were on a boxed food aisle when a man (with his daughter) took his carton of eggs and just placed it on one of the shelves.

Um. Eggs are supposed to be cold. Eggs don’t belong with the macaroni. Because this man was too lazy to walk the fifty feet back to the egg section he was just going to leave the carton with the pasta.

Put it back. If you don’t need something that you’ve picked up put it back where it belongs. Not only was this man setting a bad example to his child by being plain lazy he was being disrespectful to WalMart. No, a carton of eggs don’t cost WalMart a lot, but it’s the principle of the matter. That man was saying his thirty seconds were more important than the money it costs to replace a carton of eggs that went bad on the pasta aisle.

Also, when you’re done with your cart in the parking lot put the thing in one of the cart returns. Honestly, does it really take that long to return it? Once again this is an example of laziness and disrespect for the store and for other people’s property (their cars).

This was a good little character lesson that I made sure Reagan knew about and understood as we walked the fifty feet back to the egg section.

Rant over. Enjoy your weekend.

Blurbs

*My cats are fighting more than normal lately. I wonder if ingesting pine tree sap would have anything to do with that. Maybe it’s a natural, homeopathic mood enhancer. I’ll drink some Christmas tree water and let you know.

*We put up our Christmas decorations the other day. I only have four boxes so when I say we decorated I mean we set out a manger scene and put some ornaments on the tree. Who needs more when you have a roving toddler? And when you have to move all that crap beautiful symbols of Christmas cheer every couple of years? In fact, the tree is only decorated down to about toddler height… And there probably won’t be presents under it until about five minutes before opening time…

*I need to start making lists again. The Type A part of me is trying desperately to regain control and I’m feeling like I should let her. Who wants to succumb to inefficiency right before Christmas?

*Get your best post of this week submitted to me (click the button below)! The community over at Best Posts Of The Week is really growing and seems to be solidifying. I’m so grateful to everyone who submits posts week after week. We’ll see if I can’t get the site running even better after the new year. Ideas?

Does anyone know a website for a chastity belt?

Previously I’ve blogged about my oldest, who is all of six (and a half, let it be known), and her penchant to want to kiss a boy. Remember the quote: “I would so kiss him.” This led me to write “The Princesses Are Sexualizing My Daughter“. I got a lot of advice answering the questions I put forward to y’all. I don’t think any advice would be much help with my latest dilemma…

We were in church tonight, CHURCH of all places, and we dropped our youngest daughter off at the nursery. What kind of trouble can an almost two year old get into at a church nursery? Let me tell you. While we were learning about God and Abraham and Abimelech our daughter was getting an education of a different kind, or should I say, she was giving the education to a poor, unsuspecting, helpless victim.

After our time with God we went to gather our little progeny. She came walking out to us looking all innocent enough. She’s not even crying any more when we drop her off. And we were soon to find one possible reason why.

A boy.

Jennifer, the nursery manager/coordinator/couldn’tlivewithoutherhelp person came up behind her to spill the beans. “She and my son kissed during nursery! Three times!” Wha? Wha!?! I’m sure she was trying to cover and make us feel a little better because I’m sure she should have said, “your daughter was chasing my son down and kissing him.” We both died laughing. Mind you they were the little peck kisses that toddlers give.

Apparently our prompting her to always give us kisses and her learning how to make the actual kissing noise was too much for her to keep to herself. Now she’s practicing on unsuspecting little boys. At least I hope he was unsuspecting. Jennifer, do we need to separate them already?

What’s that address for chastity belts? And do they make them for toddlers? Maybe a chihuahua muzzle would be more appropriate.

Ball gown CRISIS (and you get to vote!)

Well, I guess gown is pushing it a little bit. And crisis? Who do I think I am? Work with me though…

I got my ball dress! Not exactly my dream gown that made me look like a wood fairy, but it’s really cute. And those awesome shoes I got for $19 on sale from $145 in Orlando this February? Yeah, they’ll work. God is good isn’t he? I’m going to remind you that the dress code for this “ball” is anything from a full-length gown to Christmas sweaters. And it’s on a Thursday night. I know. So I’m going for safe, middle of the road. Well, as safe as I get when it comes to dressing up.

So, my question for you is. Hose or no hose? I’m not a fan of wearing hose with open toed shoes like this– mine are even more sandal-y than the model’s–but if that’s what everyone is doing then I guess I can manage for the night. I have used self tanner before (you have got to read this post if you haven’t before) so I could try that again if needed. Please, help me decide, and if you have other ideas drop those in the poll too. I’m looking for chic, not geek.

Fashion challenged when it matters most,

Meeting Sarah Palin (or, one upping Ashley of The Linares Family!)

Sarah Palin was stumping for Saxby Chambliss at several stops in Georgia today. One of those happened to be Perry, Georgia…minutes from my old stomping grounds of Warner Robins.

My day in short order:

4:15 AL time (5:15 GA time): Wake up to get myself and the girls ready for the drive.
5:15: leave Montgomery, Alabama for Perry, Georgia
9:15: Arrive at the GA National Fair Grounds, or the GA Agricenter, or whatever that place is called.
Notice that I am first spectator there. Record still holding.
10:30-ish: head inside to wait in line. Am accompanied by my two girls, my mother, her friend and my aunt. My brother and sister-in-law would show up later.
11:45-ish: Notice that some newcomers behind us were trying to inch their way around us closer to the door. Oh no they didn’t. Who exactly did they think they were messing with?
12:00-ish: Doors open to the rally room. Said people tried to push their way past us. I used stroller to block their path (while accidentally mangling the ankles of the people in front of us…there’s always sacrifice). My group manages to get right up to the ropes of the stage, save two twenty-something boys who were so hoping to get her to sign their book.
From 12:00 to 1:30: Wait. Wait. Wait. Fortunately Ashlyn was asleep for most of this. She had gotten her energy out running around the hour and a half we had just waited.
Notice that they are pulling people from the crowd to sit in the bleachers behind the stump on the stage. Mom’s friend manages to get Richard (my brother) and Reagan up there.
I am ecstatic.
Begin to lose my ecstatic-ness little by little as the lady behind me tries to press me as flat as a pancake into my stroller handle. After one particular shove I turn around and ask her: “are you being pushed?” (With a smile, of course). She replied, “no, I’m pushing you…” and at that I turned immediately around as she mumbled the rest of her sentence because anything I said at that point wouldn’t have been Christian-like of me (think: my Ramblin’ Wreck post on crack). Manage to hold my ground.
1:30-ish to whenever: Sarah speaks. I take pictures. I video. I notice her clothing. A pantsuit. An awesome cream-colored jacket with sparkly pants. Oh yes, they were sparkly. Not tacky sparkly. Just the slightest hint of sparkliness. My big disappointment of the day was that I could not see her shoes. Her pants went all the way to the floor.
Ooh, ooh! Sarah’s exiting the stage. She’s coming this way!! I quickly hopped over my stroller, which put me right inbetween both twenty-something guys.
Here she comes! She stops and admires Ashlyn who is being held by my mom. The exchange goes something like: Sarah: “Oh, she is just beautiful!” Mom: “Oh thank you!” Sarah: “What is her name?” Mom: “Ashlyn” Sarah: “Is she one? two?” Mom: “Almost two.” Me, butting in: “My husband’s in the military!”
Darn! She’s moving on to the twenty-something book guys. I get in between them again and she shakes my hand. As she’s about to walk away I say, “Can we get a picture?” “Sure!” Y’all she’s so nice. She spent about thirty minutes with the crowd and I was near the beginning. So, Mom snaps the picture and as she’s turning to leave she says, “tell your husband thank you.” “I will,” I say. “Hey, do you think this pantsuit makes me look dowdy?” She asks me. “Girl,” I offer, “you rock those pants and that jacket coordinates perfectly. Although, it being an off-white color, you’re probably going to have to have it cleaned after all these wannabes are finished mangling you.”…oh wait, that didn’t happen outside of my mind…
Then I started jumping up and down and screaming like a teenage girl vowing to never wash my hand. Or something like that.
I start planning on how I can get me and Sarah and Beth Moore to spend some time together. Mmmhmm. That would be my soul sister day. I could probably die and go to heaven right after that meeting.
I then begin typing furiously on Twitter and Facebook letting all of my friends know what they just missed out on. I’m a good friend like that…

Me and my soul sister

Gaining Ashlyn’s affection.

Richard and Reagan as part of the backup singers behind Palin

But this experience and many others lead me to realize that this is exactly where I can be a good friend for you:

We all know I’m kind of competitive when it comes to being first in line for something. Remember the iPhone posts of this summer? (First in line. First to get the iPhone in Montgomery. Make the evening news.) So, I’m your girl if you’re wanting to get somewhere first to make sure you take part in the action.

I’m also competitive when it comes to getting down to the front of the stage. I have always been able to make my way to the front at a band party or any establishment. Fights? Never. But I did almost get into one trying to maintain my front row position watching David Allan Coe at Mama’s. And I was darn near front and center for Offspring too. And Sugarland? Made it to the front and then onto the tour bus. Yep. Pillar? Chatted like long-time friends after the concert. So, if you ever want to get front and center at a large, crowded event. I’m your girl.

Right now though, me and Sarah have some soul sister chatting to do. Anyone got Beth Moore’s number?

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Now, just why did I title the post with this: (one upping Ashley of The Linares Family)? Ashley is my friend of a different political bent. She’s posted, not once, but twice her photo of herself with our future president. Now Ashley wins hands down when it comes to comparing her and me, but I’d say Sarah Palin is so much hotter than Barry. This just goes to show that you can achieve anything once you set your mind to it. Ashley, you inadvertently gave me a goal that I was able to achieve. Actually, my goal for eight years has been to get a picture with President Bush (and it almost happened, but that’s another story), but I will immediately replace that with this already achieved goal!! Thanks friend!