Not So SAHM

Story Time, Interactive Style

We’ve made it to another Thursday and another round of Story Time, Interactive Style! To my new readers (if any of you are still out there…) this is a really fun day, usually just for me, but I like to pretend my readers are having fun too.

Here’s what you do:

Look at the photo
Come up with a story/caption–the funnier the better. I live for funny, people (and funny people).
Leave that in the comments section
No cop outs, oh she who cops out every time. I still ♥ you.

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Now, for the gem from two weeks ago. This political season is getting so over the top. We take ourselves way too seriously all the stinking time. Don’t get me wrong, there are definitely serious issues, but I’m up for a laugh every now and then too. I knew the picture would fascinate some and send others into tizzies. Kerith was so jealous that she even said ‘crap’…on a family blog. Don’t worry, I say ‘freakin” all the time. I almost made Ashley pass out so she repaid me the favor by making me look at Obama hugging her. Ashley, I threw up in my mouth a little. I’m just kidding. Ashley and I can still like each other because we both live in Alabama and love to travel!

So, the year was 2005. Sean Hannity and Tammy Bruce (another FAVORITE of mine) came to produce their shows live at Old Dominion University in Norfolk. There was no freaking way I was going to miss this. I packed up Reagan and we headed across the bridge to the South Side.

We got to see Tammy, who does her radio show while standing (a little bit of pop culture trivia). Then Sean came on. He was doing his show and then during a commercial break asked if there was anyone in the audience whose spouse/family member was $erving “over there”. A couple people in the crowd knew me and had seen me there somehow (I sound like I’m famous…) so one yelled out, “SHE HAS! Vicki’s husband!” and pointed over two or so rows of seats to me.

So he brings Reagan and me up on stage with him. Now, Du had already returned from “over there” so I didn’t have a great story to tell him about how I was currently making do without…

But Reagan stole the show. We have been teaching Reagan, since birth practically, that she is to answer people with “yes ma’am” or “yes sir”. She hadn’t really practiced “yes sir” a lot… Sean asks her a question and she says, “yes ma’am”. I don’t remember the rest. We talked about my husband’s $ervice and our sacrifice and I’m sure he called me a great American. I couldn’t get past the “yes ma’am” though. Here are a couple more shots. I had forgotten my camera that day so a kind person in the audience captured these for me and sent them to me.

Tammy Bruce. The sane woman in talk radio.

Reagan, you're a great American! — Notice, she's a princess. And he commented on that.

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Now, leave me a caption for this week’s shot!

Does Obama’s Health Care Plan Cover Cats?

(To my newfound readers (if there actually are any): you must know that I am sarcastic in my wit if not anything else. If you are a liberal please take this post as humerous and nothing more. I’d hate for you to break up with me just as we were getting to know each other!)
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I am a true to the bone Conservative. I think the thing that epitomizes conservatism in me is my frugality. Others call it cheapness, but what do they know? I’m only willing to pay full price on a minimum number of things. I can’t even recall what they are right now.

My tightwad tendencies force me to cringe when superfluous spending rears its ugly head in our household. I’m the one that does the budget and bills each month and I know where each penny is going. How do you think I react then to unforeseen costs? Not. very. well…

Thus my reason for considering jumping ship. And…voting…(it’s so hard to type this y’all)…for…Obama. I said it! If he will promise me that his Universal Health Care will not only cover the homo sapien family members but those of the feline nature as well he may have my vote. Even my vote is cheap.

//obeythepurebreed.blogspot.co — Picture found on obeythepurebreed's blog

BACKGROUND INFO:

We took Mo to the vet yesterday because he was clearly showing signs that there was a problem. We didn’t know whether it was behavioral or medical in nature so it’s best to get a professional involved. All of us, even the vet, was praying that it was a medical problem. A bacterial infection can be dealt with with antibiotics (and apparently really expensive cat food). A bad attitude can only be handled with a boot or a gun. They had to keep Mo overnight because he would not cooperate by providing a urine sample. Looking like a bad attitude at this juncture.

The vet called this morning with good news. The cat has a raging bacterial infection! Yay! We won’t have to kick kitty to the curb! However, after hearing the diagnosis and then the prognosis I’m almost wishing we had found kitty a new home. Mo will be on antibiotics for two weeks. Mo will be on that really expensive cat food for the rest of his God-loving life. And he’s only one year old. I’m talking $25 for 8 pounds. That’s $3.13 per pound. What do we normally pay for cat food? Well, at Costco I can get like a thousand pounds for a couple of bucks, so you do that math. And to make matters worse even more expensive Mo is a healthy eater (he’s already 14.5 pounds). And he has a brother that shares the food dish.

THE REASON FOR MY VOTE CHANGE:

Y’all, this isn’t looking good for me. That extra cat food money has to come from somewhere! From the car fund? Not quite. We’re hoping to be proud new owners soon. Vacation fund? Nothing messes with our vacations. My own personal spending money? Get back Satan. The kids’ college fund? Now we’re talking…

If Obama’s health care plan would only cover cats I’d be all set. We could get some insurance for Mo, paid for by the wealthy who are so greedy and only living to stick it to the rest of us, and I wouldn’t have to pay one cent towards my feline’s food affliction. Ok, I will accept a small co-pay. I’ve got to do my part right?

I’ve hit on something though. If Obama’s universal health care coverage won’t cover pets (and most people consider pets as family members, so who is this guy to only allow certain family members health care?…that’s so discriminatory) then I’ll just use our girls’ college education funds. College will be free by the time my girls get there right? Everyone should have a chance to go… I’ve been so busy being miserly all these years that I’ve actually squirreled money away to use on my cats’ food!

So, Obama, even if you don’t offer my cats health care coverage (which I’ve already mentioned would be discriminatory) I’ll still vote for you if you promise to send my girls to school for free. Either way something’s gotta change. ‘Cause I don’t have the spare change to make the necessary change in my kitty’s nourishment.

Open Letter to the Voice Prompt Systems

Dear creator of the Voice Prompted Automated Phone System (VPAPS):

I sit here to write this letter almost speechless, and you did this to me. There’s a phenomenon taking over the answering services of America and I find it highly discriminatory. Not only are we denied live people to talk to, we’re also denied the option of keypad entry. Who in the world gave you the idea that having to vocally call out answers to your automated prompts is a good idea–because I haven’t run across a single person who feels this way. When is anyone ever in the noise vacuum it would take to be able to run through the VPAPS process successfully? Perhaps you never field tested your apparatus before taking it to market?

I have several questions for you:

1. You don’t have kids do you? If you did you would understand that a house is never quiet with kids in it, especially when a phone is to an adult’s ear. My talking on the phone, trying to answer your prompts verbally, is their cue to begin ratcheting up the volume. You’ve never experienced this have you? Please, go borrow some kids and try this.

2. Why does the voice prompting have to be so sensitive? I was trying to speak my account number and the dog farted…on the other side of the house. Your system picked that up and therefore didn’t “recognize” my entry. Then a plane flew overhead…your system didn’t “recognize” that either. I try to lock myself in the bathroom, but that only amplifies noise. And I’ll tell you since you obviously don’t know this: When parents try to seclude themselves to get something done, the kids are only intrigued by this and end up bothering the parents more. Bother = Noise.

3. What are we supposed to do when we’re out in public or at work when trying to use the VPAPS? What if I have to spout out my account number or the word “proctology”? Do you actually think it’s safe for other people to be knowin’ my bidness? Will people take me seriously after they know my medical goins’ on? In fact, this has serious lawsuit possibilities. I’m not a sue happy woman, but hey, now’s a good time to become one I think. Emotional distress maybe…or some kind of medical disclosure violation…I’ll get back to you on that one.

4. How in the world do you expect me to say my name and you be able to come anywhere near understanding it or spelling it correctly? Not everyone has the last name “Smith”. Wait, your last name is Smith isn’t it? No wonder.

Mr. VPAPS Man (I know you’re a man), if I’m going to be denied a real, live customer service representative then at least give me the satisfaction of beating on the keypad. It provides a physical release of frustration that the voice system just doesn’t allow. I mean, what was wrong with the keypad beating system in the first place?

I ask you implore you to rethink your ambitions of world domination. Give peace a chance. Don’t make me break any more phones because I’m unable to make it through your VPAPS labyrinth.

Believer in what works,

I’m Sorry, Please Repeat…

ME: Hmm, I need to make that appointment/check on this bill/any number of other things that must be done over the phone. Let me just call this 1-800 number.

VOICE PROMPTED AUTOMATED PHONE SYSTEM (VPAPS): Hello, and thank you for calling XYZ. Satisfied customers are of our utmost concern and we want to please you today! Please say your account number and our automated system will bring up your account.

ME: (saying) 6 8 2…

REAGAN: Mom! Can I have a snack?

ME: SHHHH!

VPAPS: I’m sorry, I did not get that. Please repeat your account number.

ME: 6 8 2…

REAGAN: (whispering) Mom! snack?

VPAPS: I’m sorry, I did not get that. Please repeat your account number. (While VPAPS is repeating herself I’m snapping my finger at R, shushing her again and shooing her away. Quickly though because VPAPS is almost finished with her command)

ME: 6 8 2 5…

ASHLYN: AAAAGGGGHGHGAFFGGGGGAAAAGAAAAAYYYYYLLLLL

VPAPS: I’m sorry, I did not get that. Please repeat your account number, saying each number slowly and clearly.

ME: (out of breath because I just ran into a bathroom and shut and locked the door) (heavy breathing) 6 (ahuh) 8 (ahuh) 2 (ahuh) 5 (ahuh) 7 3 4…

VPAPS: Thank you. Now, please say one of the following options: make a payment, check your balance, check latest activity, speak to a representative.

ME: Check…

CAT (who was sleeping in the bathroom sink): meow

VPAPS: I’m sorry, I did not get that. Please say your choice: make a payment, check your balance, check latest activity, speak to a representative.

ME: (in auctioneer’s speed) checklatestactiv…

KIDS OUTSIDE BATHROOM: (bang, bang) Why are you in there? AAAGGGGHGHGAFFGGGGGAAAAGAAAAAYYYYLLLLL!!!

VPAPS: I’m sorry, I did not get that. Please say your choice: make a payment, check your balance, check latest activity, speak to a representative.

ME: (yelling into the phone, because that makes them more likely to hear me and understand me) Whereisthefreakingoption to punch in the numbers!

VPAPS: I’m sorry, I did not get that. Please say your…

ME: (crying) I give up. Click.

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I can sense an open letter coming from this. Y’all know how much I love open letters. So check back tomorrow…

TAY: Guiding Light–Celebrities Leading Our Kids?

Before we start talking amongst ourselves I’d like to remind you to get those posts in! Send me the link to the best post you’ve written this week and then check my other blog on Saturday:

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Welcome to the fourth and last installment of Talk Amongst Yourselves Week. Today we’re going to read a post from Dr. Robyn of The Powerful Parent Blog. Dr. Robyn helped me out when I was flustered about Reagan’s obsession with the Princesses and Barbie. Her blog is a great resource for learning about and dealing with childhood issues.

Child and teen development expert, Dr. Robyn Silverman, provides easy-to-follow tips to parents and educators. Her tips have been seen in Prevention and Parents Magazines and she’s also been a featured guest on the national radio show with Dr. Drew Pinsky. She’s the creator of the Powerful Words Character Toolkit which is being used in over 500 after-school programs around the world. For more information or to contact Dr. Robyn, visit her website at www.DrRobynSilverman.com or to take part in her Powerful Parenting Blog.

Dr. Robyn recently wrote about a celebrity who would do drugs in order to raise her self esteem. Knowing how much the media plays a roll in our society today, and therefor our children’s lives, is this responsible to even say? Read Dr. Robyn’s post and tell us what you think.

Do Children Listen When Celebrities Say Dumb Things?
Selma Blair Says She’ll Take LSD to Up Her Self Esteem!

People say and do ridiculous things everyday without thinking “maybe children or teens could be listening and watching.” Regular people need to watch what they say and do–but celebrities really need to take heed, don’t you think? It makes you think; what makes a good role model? I mean, look what happened whenMiley Cyrus did one ridiculous thing– the world stopped for 3 days! If you take a look at the comment section after the Miley Cyrus debacle, you’ll see that children and parents were certainly affected.

lifeswhatyoumakeit, on April 30th, 2008 at 2:11 am Said: Miley doesn’t need people sticking by her and insulting her biggest fan, Katrina. What she needs is someone to tell her, “STOP IT! YOU’RE THROWING EVERYTHING AWAY!” She does not need people who say, “Who cares, it’s just a temptation.” She needs people to believe in her and want her to get through this. I believe she can get through it, and when she does, I’ll be more than happy to regain my place as her number one fan. However, Katrina, if she does anything like this again, you are welcome to take my place, because I don’t want to look up to people who let me down again and again.

“I’ll be happy and say something nice about myself for a change, I’ll have gone to Amsterdam, done acid, done some amazing theatre in London. Beautiful!

So, what do you think could happen when a popular actress talks about dropping acid in order to improve her troubled self esteem and body image? Selma Blair, star of Hellboy,with the help of filmmaker, Guillermo Del Toro, might need to know that when they speak, their fans are likely listening.

Of course…we hope not.

Selma Blair has admitted in the past that the only thing she likes about her body is her hands. Giillermo Del Toro suggested some acid would do the trick! Yes, of course it may make her well-loved hands look like enormous oven mitts, but Selma believes it’s worth a try.

“You know what Guillermo thinks? That I should go to Amsterdam and take an acid trip and it would fix my head. I think he could be right you know. You know, I’ve done some things to excess but I hate pot and I’ve never done acid or ecstasy. But if I was in the right frame of mind, in a pleasant, creative, chilled-out space, with just the right amount delivered by an Amsterdam technician, that would be incredible.”

So what does Selma Blair say about the future? It looks bright!

Could it be a joke? Does it matter?

Just for the record:
What’s acid?

Full Name:Lysergic Acid Diethylamide (LSD)

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What does this have to do with self-esteem? LSD causes an inflation of the ego which, at least in Selma Blair’s eyes, may be an effective antidote for low self-esteem.

Children and teens, please cup your ears.

Yes, sometimes famous people say really stupid things. And yes, it’s LSD is illegal.

So what do you think? Are celebrities to consider themselves role models? How would our children react to hearing/reading about such things? I commented to Dr. Robyn that this was the most idiotic thing I’d heard from a celebrity in a while. Selma’s either stupid and gullible or she’s trying to sound open and willing in order to be considered edgy. I didn’t even comment on the fact that our daughters would be reading this somewhere and wondering if a little acid trip might do wonders for them as well. I don’t have a doubt that children are affected by what they see and hear. It’s up to us as parents to make sure this crap doesn’t reach them, and if it does we need to be prepared to sound off! What do you think? Talk amongst yourselves!

Story Time, In Memoriam

11 September 2001

It’s already been seven years, but thinking about it makes it seem just like yesterday. We all remember where we were when we found out. My husband was serving our country…over there, somewhere. I was four months pregnant with our first child. I woke up early that morning–before I normally had to get up and get ready. I was working on my Masters and needed to watch a video before heading to work. I turned on the tv and was about to turn on the vcr when the news caught my attention. The CNN newscasters were telling us all they knew as pictures of a tall building billowing with smoke flashed on the screen. All they knew was that there was a rumor a plane had struck one of the buildings of the World Trade Center. They were conjecturing as to how this could have happened. The assumption was that it was a terrible accident. As I was watching the coverage the live footage showed the second plane.

What just happened? I was in shock with my hands to my mouth. My jaw slack in unbelief. My heart pounding, forcing me to breathe heavy. What in the world was happening? As the anchors were coming to grips with what was just broadcast, it was becoming clear to everyone that these were no accidents. I immediately began to wish that my husband wasn’t so far away. Did he know yet? How fast did news reach him? I called my boss and excused myself from work that day.

As events unfolded and planes crashed into the Pentagon and Shanksville I began to wonder where friends and family were. My mother-in-law was visiting friends in D.C. Du’s father and an uncle fly for United. Another of his uncles flies for Southwest. Where were they? Two of my dearest friends were flight attendants. One based out of New York. Where were they? Throughout the day I was able to make contact with everyone, each one of us telling and retelling our stories and expressing our unbelief. Each of us fearing that the worst would happen somewhere else in America as well. It turns out that there was someone from the tiny Western town we were living in that was on one of the planes. Everyone in America is probably less than six degrees of separation from somebody who died that day.

This Story Time is dedicated to never forgetting. NEVER FORGET those innocent people in the planes, in the buildings, on the ground. The residual victims in NYC. NEVER FORGET the group and the evil-filled people that did this to us. They are still out there and want to do much worse to us. Not because they hate Bush. No, they hate us. They hate America and Americans. They hate other religions. They hate the Western way of life and will not stop.

Marana tha!