Once Upon A Time…

It’s Thursday! How could I forget about Story Time, Interactive Style? We are on our first staycation, so I’m sure that’s the reason for the slip up. Here’s what you do.

  1. Put on your thinking cap.
  2. Look at the picture below.
  3. Come up with a plausible an interesting/funny story.
  4. Leave that story in the comments section.
  5. No one wins anything. You just feel better knowing you made my day.

As for last week’s gem…That is one scary looking mouse. What kid is going to find him friendly? Other than my daughter, I mean. He looks like a washed up drunk rodent trying to sell kids candy and asking them to help find his lost puppy. Reagan sure does seem to be carrying on a great conversation with him though. I’m pretty sure right after I snapped this pic she leaned over and planted a big one on him. If you’re ever in Colorado Springs you’ll be sure to spot Not-So-Sober-Mickey in one of the malls there. And if you do, take a pic and send it to me. This dude needs to be the next Flat Stanley.

Now! On to commenting about my own personal Bindi up there!

Please The Client, But Please The Judges More

What a great idea for this week’s Project Runway challenge! Each designer’s model got to go out and choose the fabric for the dress. The designers had to combine their own design aesthetic with the model’s desires for a cocktail dress. Fabulous idea. Not so fabulous dresses. Most of them were unfortunately forgettable. All but one model said she liked her dress. Traitor model, don’t you know you bite the hand that feeds you?

My favorite this week was Kelli again, but she didn’t make the top three. Of the top three, I did like Kenley’s and Suede’s designs. I’d wear both. Suede’s could have been longer to suit my taste though. It’s a good thing guest judge, Natalie Portman (love her) loved him a lot.

As for the three worst, all I have to say is what was up with the wings, Korto? You put the darts on the inside of the dress, especially if you’re going to have twenty of them flapping all over the dress. I was up in the air as to whether she or Wesley should leave. Neither dress was flattering. Poor Leanne had a good idea but went berserk with it. If she would have left the little flappy things to the top right side of the dress and left the rest of the dress plain…that would have worked.

I’m not surprised the judges chose Suede’s design over Kenley’s. Have you seen previous episodes’ dress choices? The wild always wins over the tame. Even when the tame is more wearable. That being said, with the proper attitude while wearing the dress, Suede’s is definitely doable.

From My Front Porch Lookin’ In

One of Reagan’s favorite songs is Lonestar’s My Front Porch Looking In. She loves it because it talks about a dad whose favorite thing is to look at his family: two kids and a wife. According to Reagan, “There’s a carrot-top who can barely walk with a sippy cup of milk” is Ashlyn; “a little blue-eyed blonde with shoes on wrong” is Reagan; “and the most beautiful girl holding both of them” is me. It’s a sweet family story that she has related to us. I love the relation as well. It’s nice to have the lovey-dovey sentiment to fall back on when life gets a little tough with the little ones.

Like when I wanted to send my daughters these letters during the madness of the move:

Dear Ashlyn:

 

You have got to grow a pair, be a big girl and learn how to cope. I cannot hold you 24/7. I love you so much, but I can’t get anything done while I’m holding a 20 pound bouncing weight in my arms.

 

You’re cute as ever, but it’s really not so cute the way that you roam around the house rearranging everything from my shoes to movies. Everything ends up in one big messy pile and Mommy then has to spend even more time picking up. The movers made a big enough mess, please lay off for a couple of days.

 

This is fair warning that you need to keep track of where you randomly leave your sippy. Please try to remember the last couple of places you were at destroying things. Look there for your sippy first before coming to me doing the sign for it and expecting me to go find it.

 

I love you so much, so please don’t take these mood swings personally. It’s a swingy time in life right now.

Mommy

And this one:

Dear Reagan,

 

You were pretty good today. You talk a lot, but that’s to be expected at your age. What am I going to do when Ashlyn wants to talk just as much? Are we going to have to “take turns” talking?

 

You’re a great big sis to Ashlyn. Just wish you’d cut her some slack and quit whining and telling on her as soon as she sits down next to you. Get up off the floor if you don’t want her messing with your stuff.

 

I love you honey. Don’t take my mood swings personally.

Mommy

Although there are those manic moments, I cherish and will remember the special times with both girls. Reagan and I had one of those today. We had a Mommy/Daughter date to see Kit Kittredge. The movie was great but the time I had with Reagan was better. We had grown up girl time. One of the first of many to come. It was a front porch lookin’ in type afternoon.

We Don’t Need No Thought Control

Warning: this post is long and ire filled. If you like political issues then read on. If you don’t let it be sufficient enough for you to read this: I’m sick of the government trying to force me to do things. From giving my money to others to volunteering. Get off my back and out of my wallet.

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Why do the people in our government and the media think that we need to be forced to do things? Some think we should be forced to give more of our income than we already do in order to redistribute our wealth. Some think we should be forced to wear seat belts and helmets. Some think we should be forced to volunteer. Some think we should be prevented from eating whatever we want (forced to eat what is deemed good by them). Why should we be forced to do anything? I’m big on personal rights. I think we should be able to do what we want as long as we’re governed by high moral standards. Even the Founding Fathers knew this:

We have no government armed with power capable of contending with human passions unbridled by morality and religion. Avarice, ambition, revenge or gallantry would break the strongest cords of our Constitution as a whale goes through a net. Our Constitution is designed only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate for any other.” John Adams

If we, as Americans, could get some morals, biblical morals, and acknowledge that this is the only way to remain a great country, then we could live with less government. We could rely less on government. This would require the people of government having the same morals.

Wouldn’t it be great if families were the true nuclei that God intended? Wouldn’t it be great if families took care of themselves? Wouldn’t it be great if those stable and (mentally) healthy families then began to take care of their neighbors and neighborhood? Wouldn’t it be great if this new stable and (mentally) healthy neighborhood began to take care of its city? And state? And region? And country? Do you see where I’m going with this? It all begins with the family. Not the government. And it’s all done willingly. Not forced. When people are forced to do something do you really think their heart is in it? Do you really think it will last?

Why does the government think it is necessary to govern every aspect of our lives? I’ll tell you. They want to govern more and more of our lives because they gain control in doing this. They slowly are making us blind, helpless sheep. The more they give us (social programs) the more they demand from us (taxes, volunteering apparently, following them blindly).

This whole tirade is being brought to you by two things I’ve read already this morning. The first was an email from a good friend who happens to think differently politically and economically than I. He believes in income redistribution. Apparently the author of the following quote thinks most Americans do:

“Since the Great Depression most Americans have agreed that a principal responsibility of government is to redistribute income from the well-to-do to the impoverished and to those who are temporarily disadvantaged, most notably the unemployed. While many people complain about waste, fraud, and abuse in government income-transfer programs, or about the extent of income redistribution, few dispute the proposition that some level of redistribution is needed. Over the last twenty years, however, many economists—including some on the political left—have raised serious questions about the effectiveness of current transfer programs in helping the poor. While government policies do redistribute enormous amounts of money each year, the actual benefits to the poor may be much smaller than people presume. ” Dwight R. Lee an Econ Professor at UGA

I don’t believe for one minute that most Americans believe in income redistribution. Much less that’s it is the principal responsibility of government. The principal responsibility of government is to maintain a strong military to keep our butts safe from all of the crazy people in the world who are trying to destroy us. The principal responsibility of government is to make sure we all have the rights of life, liberty and pursuit of happiness. Here’s how the Constitution puts it (emphasis mine):

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

Yes, this quote uses the word “welfare” a term that has been hijacked and means something more today than it did in the minds of the writers of the Constitution. In fact, income redistribution, of which our current welfare system is a part, doesn’t work. If you read the article, Prof. Lee says that the good the government “wants” to do for the poor isn’t as good as it thought. Government is taking money, not from the rich, but from the people who actually pay taxes and giving it, not to the poor, but to lobbyists and people who have enough money to organize.

If we, as a society, had our morals in order we would be giving and helping the poor without the government forcing us to. We would individually be redistributing our wealth as we see fit. And making sure the redistribution actually worked. “The impersonal hand of the government can never replace the helping hand of a neighbor.” Hubert Humphrey

The second thing I read this morning that has me up in arms was this article: Time Magazine Announces ‘National Service’ Lobbying Campaign. Service Nation would like for everyone in America to volunteer whether it’s in their heart to do so or not (emphasis mine):

“a national campaign to call on the next President and Congress to enact a new era of service and citizenship in America, an era in which all Americans will work together to try and solve our greatest and most persistent societal challenges” From the Service Nation website, which I will not link to, but you can find them if you click on the link provided above.

Excuse me? You want to “encourage” me to volunteer? Don’t tell me to go volunteer. And I’m sure you wouldn’t let me pick the organizations to which I would like to give my time. Let me go volunteer on my own. Once again, if we had the morals, we’d be going out and volunteering on our own. It would be a pleasure and a desire to help out. But why does the government want to get involved? Do you really think it cares about the little people? The government is power hungry. And as well-intentioned as Service Nation is, they are forcing us to become puppets on a string.

My mantra has been this for years: “it’s all about the family”. We don’t need governmental band aid fixes. Those do not work in the long run. We need the permanent fix. A family, rooted in morals, intent to love God and love their neighbors as themselves. This is the only way for our nation to survive as the great nation it could be. How does this happen? Each family must take it upon itself to change. That’s it. I know it’s a tall task. But it’s the only thing that will work.

Earth Friendly and Generous

In the process of moving one tends to run across items that one owns that s/he cannot remember owning. Or that s/he regrets ever buying. Or his/her tastes have changed and there is no longer room in the new house and new décor for these items. There may be people out there searching for that specific item that one no longer desires.

To put it plainly: One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Your crap unwanted items may be just what someone else has been looking for. There’s a great way for you to offload your crap unwanted items without filling up the already bursting landfills. AND you can help out possibly needy families, or hoarders, but we won’t go there.


Cue strobing search lights, angels-we-have-heard-on-high music, and typical announcer voice:

You, yes you! can help your fellow man by using Freecycle!
Get rid of your unwanted items.
Give them to someone who needs them more!
Save the planet by reducing the amount of landfill waste!
Log onto your nearest computer and access your Yahoo account immediately!
Get to the Yahoo Groups page and do a search for “freecycle (your city’s name here)”!
Sign up to become a member!
Give until you’re all given out!
Feel good knowing that you are less cluttered and your fellow man has received something for free!
Yes, you too can become a superhero! In your jammies in front of that computer!

So, what are you waiting for? Go sign up! And remember, please be safe. Always remember that there are weirdos in every city (more-so in the Midwest, but that’s for another post).

Friday 13: Searching Will Bring You To Me

I have been wanting to do this post for months now. I haven’t found the right time to do it yet. I guess my life is just so interesting what with learning how to mow the lawn, moving…well, that about does it. What have I been blogging about? Apparently there have been some things mentioned on this humble blog that people have found interesting. People are searching for these things, and therefore, I’m assuming they’re interesting. And what’s more, these searchers have found my blog. 

I’ve had visitors from all over the world. Hello to all 50 states. Hello to you in Iran and Jordan (I know what post brought you to me). And hello to all of the countries in Europe. Hello to my visitors from Israel (you rock, I must say). Hello Kuwaitis and Indians. Hello various Canadians and Australians (especially Lezley!). South America is even representin’ (Brazil, Peru, Argentina…). And hello…Malaysia? Didn’t know you had internet there. Are you a missionary? Are you a m+sl*m extremist? Du says there are lots there. You’ve visited several times. Are you the same person? Hello my Russian friends! I say! (as Wooster says so perfectly) I should have a Babelfish button on my site!

Now, a lot of the blogs I read have mentioned that they get a lot of weird searches of the sexual kind. I’m here to report that I have had…one or two. That being said, I have had some weird ones. It seems though that there are several posts that I’ve written that are “hit on” a lot. What I have written has struck a chord with the masses all over the world. ‘Cause all those countries mentioned up there have had at least one person search and find my expertise blatherings on specific topics. After doing extensive statistical data analysis I’ve come up with the top 13 interesting searches that will lead you to me (or have lead the world to me).

FRIDAY 13: INTERESTING GOOGLE SEARCHES THAT LEAD YOU TO ME

  1. By and far the search that has garnered the most hits to the blog is about Fake Bake. I didn’t realize I was hitting on something so popular yet so misunderstood when I wrote about turning green for the evening. Apparently so have many other unsuspecting world citizens. People are searching for before and after pics; should fake bake be green; should it be blue (what?!); how long to leave it on; how to get it off hands (gloves, people). I’m happy to provide them a couple of minutes of fodder and laughter. Too bad I didn’t include photos.
  2. Another popular search that leads the internet to Not So SAHM is Beth Moore’s Stepping Up Bible Study. I went through the study earlier this year and blogged about it twice. I wish I would have gone deeper in my posts. I’m afraid that the searching masses aren’t finding much depth in those. Some even searched about Beth Moore and cancer. Don’t know about that one. I did that search myself and I believe there’s a cancer doctor who shares that awesome name.
  3. Homeschooling: whether it’s legal or not; how to do it. Mostly about the controversy in California. I railed on California, as my nature is to blow up first, speak softly later. I mean no offense to any of my CA readers. Just your government.
  4. Being a SAHM (stay at home mom). I don’t know the answer to this because I’m NOT such a SAHM. I don’t fit the stereotypical mold that is conjured up in most minds of this postmodern world. Maybe that’s why people are searching me out. People come to me my blog wondering what SAHMS wear. This is so funny to me. Are you searchers trying to fit the stereotypical mold? We wear clothes. That’s about it. Sometimes a bra is included, sometimes not. Somedays jammies are it. Most days it’s spit-up-stained-last-year’s-fashion. I’m working on that though. Someone even wanted to know how to pronounce it. Do you want the French or Spanish accent? Maybe she thought it would be pronounced “sohm” as in “I’m a sohm, dahling, I don’t feel I should have to work”. I pronounce it like “sam” as in Sam I Am. My mother pronounces it “sham” and then calls me that publicly in my comments section.
  5. “Don’t tell mommy” Many people have found this blog by searching that string of words. Oh, that post is one of my absolute favorites. I however do not condone not telling mommy anything. Why are so many people searching for this? What should we not be telling mommy?
  6. The rest of these will be searches I just find funny, or just downright weird. Someone found my blog by searching “mother who put kids on train track”. I may be labeled strict, but I’ve never even thought about this one. Didn’t hear the story about it either.
  7. “Frog ‘down her shirt’ movie”. Um, haven’t seen it. And we don’t talk about frogs that go down girls’ shirts on this blog. No, on this blog we talk about frogs who…afternoon delight…ahem.
  8. “arabian girls butts” Ok I was wrong. The guys from Iran weren’t looking for the post I thought. But you know what happens when you assume. Pun intended. Har har. They were looking for the Jasmine post. You know, where I wasn’t finished railing on the princesses for sexualizing my daughter (which, in reality, hasn’t produced a lot of weird searches. It did garner my blog a lot of traffic for the next couple of days.) At least they spelled everything correctly…because someone found my blog by searching for this:
  9. “nakid lades in frunt of littol kids” I kid you not. How gross in the first place. Secondly, is this what publik skul iz duing tu awr kidz?
  10. ” ‘megan follows’ smokes” Sorry, don’t know Megan Follows. Didn’t know she smokes. Didn’t blog about it either. Should I tell her mommy? Or is this one of the ones where I “don’t tell mommy”? [editor’s note: I did the google search myself and found out she’s a character in Anne of Avonlea and she indeed smokes. Thanks for leaving those words in the comments Rachel]
  11. “foods that go with coke” This person is daft. What food doesn’t go with coke? Work with me searchers.
  12. “trained by my mother in law to be a sissy” I laughed when I saw this one. I can just see some poor wife surreptitiously googling in the middle of the night, trying to find help for her pantywaist husband. I’d give almost anything to know what his sissy act was. I’d give even more to hear the stories about how his mother made him a pansy. But why did she find my blog? My husband’s a stud. And he rocks.
  13. “cheapskate and a princess can they marry” Can they? Yes. Should they? It’s not for you to say is it? Is this princess term derogatory? I’m smelling some derision here. And for the record: my husband is a cheapskate frugal, and that’s how I like it. And I am a princess. Not the high maintenance kind. I’m a princess of the Almighty God. But have I ever blogged about either of those?

There are so many more, but, alas, I’m restricted to 13. What are some interesting terms that people have googled and found your blog?