Story Me This

Ok, before we enjoy our next picture and you come up with those amazing captions/stories I must tell you that I’m being featured today on Saucy Eats. I know! Me being featured for my mad cooking skillz! Who ever would have thought this day would come? So, go check it out and make the food already.

I am one Saucy Chef!

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Now on with Story Time, Interactive Style!

Work it people. Leave a comment with the story behind this lovely pic.

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As for last week’s pic…I had you fooled! You guys thought that was Ashlyn (except for my mom who really can tell my kids apart and Cher who witnessed the event). IT WAS REAGAN! I know! That is so like Ashlyn to do so I see how you’d get mixed up. And Reagan’s insanely long (for a two year old) pig tails are being hidden by the mud. We were visiting our dear friends in Atlanta and we took our kids to the playground. Reagan loves water, but I didn’t know I’d have to worry about her wallowing with the pigs. Talk about a prodigal daughter. She saw the mud puddle and immediately went for it. In fact here you go:


She dove right in, so to speak. I just decided instead of being Mean Mommy and making her quit I’d be Lenient Mommy and let her get some kind of flesh eating disease from whatever organisms were living in that puddle. It was hot outside so I decided it was worth the risk. Cher was probably horrified that I let this happen. We did have to strip her down in the driveway and hose her off before she could enter the house.

Have a great time storytellin’! Can’t wait to read them!

You’re Either In Or You’re Out

All I have to say is Reagan and I picked both the winner and loser of Project Runway, Episode One. That’s not really all I have to say, but it’s a good opening isn’t it. For this challenge the designers had to use products they found at a grocery store. And they only had 30 minutes to gather the materials. Seriously, I’d have designers block at that very second and be reduced to a bawling mess in the produce aisle. Of course, I’d probably be in the meat section, wanting to be all avant-garde…not realizing the starving model who was lucky enough to be assigned to me would realize she hasn’t eaten in two weeks and devour my dress, raw as it would be, before she hit the runway.

As Tim Gunn was explaining the challenge I said, “I’d make a teabag dress”, because I’ve actually done that before (and if the desktop were hooked up I’d transfer the picture to show you. I was even pregnant with Reagan at the time). Reagan, all six years of her, said, “that would be so ugly.” My fashionista-in-training, who likes to mix and match four different tones of pink, is telling me what wouldn’t look good. I can’t believe no one chose to do that. Probably because it’s been done to death. And they all know that. And I don’t. And that’s (one of the reasons) why I’m not on the show (yet). It would still look good though.

What’s amazing and actually disappointing is that so many of the designers chose to use tablecloths. Already fabric, yes. Innovative, no. It’s strands of cotton covered in plastic, all made in China of course, but it’s still a type of fabric. If Heidi is sending you into a grocery store to make an outfit, you better not come out with tablecloths. I consider that cheating. SPOILER ALERT: DO NOT READ PAST HERE IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHO WON/LOST.

 

 

So, our favorite designer was Kelly who chose to use vacuum bags and bleach/dye them. She even used the spiral-y thing from a notebook to make hook and eye closures. How innovative is that!?!? I want to be her now. For her bodice she used coffee filters that she tinged with a lighter. They looked like flat paper plates…like headlights coming at you. But innovative all the same. Overall, I’d wear her dress (if I were in the desert with absolutely zero wind and zero percent humidity and zero chance of rain). It rocked.


Meet Kelly.


Meet Kelly’s Dress

Poor Jerry. He was going for a shower curtain raincoat look. Tim came in and chastised every single one of the tablecloth users, which included him. Plastic shower curtain is kind of a fabric too. So Jerry, being a genius, decided to stick with his original design. He did vamp it up a bit, but it made the model look like she just came from the psych ward and was getting ready to go on a serial killing spree. I’m not kidding. She had the gloves, the boots, and of course the raincoat. All she was missing was the chainsaw.


Meet Jerry.


Auf Wiedersehen Jerry.

I think I’m going to enjoy this season. As Tim said, it’s probably the most diverse group of designers they’ve had yet. Rockers; shy girls; pinup-style girls; gay guys; straight guys. They’re all there. And may Reagan and I continue in our as of yet unbroken streak of selecting “who will stay and who will be out”.

News Flash: Project Runway begins TONIGHT!

9pm, 8 Central people. No excuses. From the looks of their bio pics Season 5 will not be a season of love like 4. Looks can be deceiving though, we all know that. Here’s to hoping they can all get along and just sew some fierce clothing. That’s the only reason I’m watching. Leave the drama at home, this ain’t Big Brother.

Season 5 Cast with the fabulous regulars

You may be wondering, “Vicki, if you don’t have cable how are you going to watch?” Thank you, my dear readers, for being so concerned. And I know you’d tape it for me in a heartbeat. However, God, in His infinite wisdom has pulled through yet again. When we moved here I asked for the “high speed” cable internet but no tv. I’ve written before that they charge a $10 “no tv” fee. I was all ready to accept that travesty of life when the customer service rep on the phone informed me that there’s a special: 12 months of basic cable for $10. Hello, I may be a little crazy but I’m not stupid. I’m frugal so I’d rather pay for something than pay for nothing. And 12 months is absolutely perfect timing.

Well, I turned on the tv the other day to watch myself look crazy waiting in line and low and behold!: I’ve got more than the basic channels, unless basic’s been pimped up down here, because I have Fox News too (that’s the only thing I checked for. I know, dork). So, until Charter realizes the error of their ways, or until I call and let them in on the secret I’ll be watching Season 5 of Project Runway from the comfort of my bedroom. OOOhhh, I’ve got the sewing room set up. I could just sew right along with them while I watch. That might demoralize me too much though…

So join me–virtually, please–and let’s have a little PR party. Maybe I’ll Twit through the whole thing.

Overcoming: the Movers and the Stuff

They can beat me down and win the battle, but I’ll win the war. I hope. My first step in putting all this moving craziness and the crazy movers behind me was to tackle the play room. I did this yesterday and am pleased with the results so far.

BEFORE:

 

AFTER:

 

Our lovely MDF bookshelves and plastic bins all nice and neat.

Today I tackled the office. They didn’t slash and dump in there, but it was full. Bursting at the seams. I didn’t take a before picture, which I now regret. Haven’t taken the after picture either, but believe me, you’d be impressed.

I’m still in purge mode. I don’t think I’ll ever get out of it. I’ve been purging since we left Virginia in the summer of 2006. How is it that there are still things to get rid of? I’m becoming ever more ruthless. I actually want to get down to a minimal amount of stuff. That’s still going to be a lot though. We’re a family of four, two of those being kids. There will always be junk with kids around. I’m determined not to hoard anything though. Linens? We’re down to what’s on the beds and maybe an extra set of sheets. Towels? A set of six. Yes, just six. Do we need more? No. So I don’t have more. Clothes? I’m in the closet right now being all ruthless with things I thought “I might wear if I ever have a job again.” Please. If I ever have an outside job again I won’t be young enough to wear those things. Evening gowns? Some are going because I’m not 20 any more and my taste in evening wear has changed. Too many socks? Gone. Lotions, potions and other girly stuff I absolutely love but have too much of? Bye bye. Trinkets lying around the house? They’re on their way out. All the stuff stuffed into cabinets and drawers that we only look at when we move? Getting ready to get rid of them. We have the memories of all of that stuff. Why do we need the stuff? Scrapbooking materials? On their way out as well. Digital scrapbooking is the rage in this household. And it means no mess while I scrapbook.

Land fill crap fast food toys that never get played with and are always of ugly characters that my girls would never watch in real life and are made in China so they’re probably full of lead or poison anyway? WILL NOT ENTER THE HOUSE. I threw every single one of them away before we left Missouri. Just don’t tell Reagan. She hasn’t noticed. She also hasn’t noticed that half of her stuffed animal collection is gone. I threw out 6+ trash bags of junk from her room before we moved and she doesn’t know about any of it. She wasn’t there.

I’m not anti-consumerism. I love buying things. Right now I’m paring my buying down to clothes, shoes, magazines and technology. All can be revolved on a regular basis without being missed once gone.

Whew! That was cathartic. Now I must get back to overcoming. And I must find a way to get Du on board.

Hard To Believe

Y’all won’t believe this…

I’m so into MySpace. You didn’t know that about me did you? It seems like my profile hasn’t been updated since Christmas…but you didn’t know about my alter-ego profile did you? If I’m not blogging then I’m twittering. And if I’m not twittering then I’m on MySpace. Many times I’m on all three at once. I don’t even take showers any more. Well, it takes a couple of days to get one. I’m convinced the kids beyond GenX (so, not me) are completely and forever altered by their participation in social networking, especially MySpace. I mean, all boundaries are broken on that site. Maybe I have been affected. Because, keep reading.

Anyway, I held an online bridal shower for my best friend’s dog. I know. Embarrassing. I would never do this in real life. But being my alter ego and being that no one will ever be able to link me to it I figured why not. Little did I know that BFF’s greyhound was *cough* a *cough* (whispered) lesbian *cough*. What!?!? Apparently animals aren’t as discerning as humans…well, humans are going the way of the animals anymore, LOL. Leave it to secular humanism and it’s epistemology of how humans are nothing more than glorified animals. 

I digress, again! Sorry. I had to post this pic of two dogs in beige wedding dress/suit combos. Who knows where my BFF got these costumes. Why do people dress up their dogs? She claims that the beige brought out the subtle difference in tones of the dogs’ coats. Was it just a fluke that they looked eerily similar to BFF when she got married? You know, they say people and their dogs end up looking alike. My alter-ego MySpace page was inundated with well-wishes and virtual gifts. Why didn’t I do this on her page? I also had to give away shower prizes. Believe me, I will be using an alter address when these things get mailed. Here are pictures of the gifts:

     
And no, it’s not too late to enter. I wouldn’t give you my alter ego’s MySpace page id, so just click any of the pics above to be taken to the contest.

So hard to believe itsn’t it.